


Perihelion

by SpaceWaffleHouseTM



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ben Solo is a massive virgin, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Kinda, Oral Sex, Possible smut, Post TLJ, TLJ alternate ending, bed sharing, fluff likely, the force has been used inappropriately, the smut has arrived, they both say yes technically, they talk about their issues, those are just facts, throne room alternate ending, written to cure writer's block lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-13 05:30:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16011263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceWaffleHouseTM/pseuds/SpaceWaffleHouseTM
Summary: In the throne room, Rey makes a counter-proposal to Ben, in which they spend three days with no one around but each other trying to figure out what the hell to do next.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sup, y'all, so I've got major writer's block with the final chapter of my other WIP so I wrote this to keep myself busy, cause I'm a slut for post TLJ fics and they're just too much fun? This has probably been done a million times before, but here goes my rendition.

 

“Join me,” Ben said, his voice full of sincerity and his eyes nearly brimming with tears as he offered her his hand. “Please.”

Her eyes fell on the hand that was outstretched toward her, her heart racing fast in her chest as his words echoed in her head. In all honesty, a part of her was considering it; taking his hand and ruling at his side, exploring that connection that has blossomed between them more—assuming it hadn’t died with Snoke… But she knew she could never take that hand while her friends were still out there fighting for their lives on small transports, and she was even more positive that she could not make the reverse offer and ask him to join her. 

Still she found herself reaching out her hand, and bringing it steadily toward his until their hands were just inches apart, hovering over one another. She wondered if he could see the conflict written on her face, if he knew how hard she was warring with herself internally. He had to know, surely he had to. Especially if their bond was still intact. 

She’d never felt more torn in her nearly twenty year existence. The two paths before her could not be more different, and yet she was having trouble choosing between them. There had to be a way to figure out which one to take, or at least a way to find a balance between the two. Hell, even a third option. Suddenly, Rey was struck with an idea. It was possibly the worst thing she’d ever come up with, but it was certainly better than choosing to fully commit to either side with or without him, right?

“No, not like this,” she told him, but she didn’t back away, and her hand didn’t waiver from where it hovered above his. “There’s another way.”

Ben looked more confused than ever as she spoke, and she hurried to get the idea out of her before she lost her nerve. What she was about to counter-propose to him was more than she’d thought herself capable of, and she wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to follow through with it. Swallowing anxiously, she exhaled deeply, and closed her eyes. “Just now, when we fought, I felt a perfect balance. I know you felt it, too.”

He nodded slowly, but there was confusion on his face as he stared at her almost blankly. “I did.”

“Whatever we do then, to stop this war, to save the galaxy— we have to do it together, but not like you’re suggesting.”

“Rey?”

“We need time to think,” she said, then she sighed, “I’m asking you for three days.”

“What?”

“Between the two of us is the solution to saving everyone in this galaxy, but we need to work together to figure it out.” She stepped toward him, her hand still quivering near his. “Come with me, and for three days, you’ll forget the first order, I’ll forget the resistance, and… and we’ll figure it out together.”

Now he seemed to be getting it. A look of realization crossed his features as what she was proposing hit him full force. She had already begun to meet him in the middle, conceding the point that he come with her to the resistance, and asking that he do the same, instead forging a path that was entirely their own. She could sense his emotions driving themselves into a frenzy as his eyes drifted down to her hand, then back up to meet her own. 

“Three days?”

“Three days.”

“Just you and I? No one else? No resistance, no first order… No one but each other?”

Another nod, then he looked back down at her hand. Ben took in a shaky, but deep breath as he reached forward with his other hand. For a second, confusion was reflected on her own face, but she quickly realized what he was doing as his fingers pinched the leather of his glove, and pulled it off like he had just hours earlier in her hut on Ahch-To. 

Once again, Ben’s bare hand reached out for hers, but just before they could make contact, the ship lurched violently, throwing them both to the ground as the lights above their heads flickered and many went out. Rey cried out as she met the hard floor, her head and her shoulder taking the brunt of the impact. Somewhere in front of her, Ben did much the same, though she couldn’t tell exactly where he’d been hurt. 

She was faintly aware of the sound of a distant series of explosions, but she couldn’t focus on anything but the buzzing sound in her head immediately following its collision with the floor. A groan left her lips, and the sound of it was ringing in her ears as she struggled to open her eyes. 

In the distance, she heard the faint sound of someone calling her name, and three different, stumbling black shadows appeared in the faint light cast by the embers of the curtains they’d lit on fire appeared in her vision. “Rey!” a voice called three times, but she was fairly certain it was actually once. 

All she could do was let out another echoing groan in response as she felt a strong pair of hands begin to lift her up from the floor. She was rising up slowly from the ground, her feet surprisingly more steady than she suspected they’d be as she stood before Ben, whose hands she could feel still gripping tight on her waist. “Rey, we have to go!” His voice still sounded like it came from the far end of a tunnel, but she slowly nodded her understanding. 

Something had just happened to the Supremacy, and while she wasn’t sure what, she knew it wasn’t good. Ships didn’t move like that unless they’d been involved in a violent collision or their engines exploded. She’d dealt with a ship or two in her time on Jakku, and while she wasn’t the galaxy’s best mechanic, she could tell this certainly hadn’t been an internal problem. This was an attack, and they needed to run. 

Ben’s still bare hand slipped into hers as her vision began to find its focus, and her eyes searched for his in the swamp that was currently her vision. “Let’s go,” he said, though she got the feeling he meant more than just leaving the ship. He was agreeing to her proposal from a minute prior, he was going to come with her and at least try to work out something between them. 

Rey yelped quietly when he tugged on her arm and began to lead her away to wherever their escape was, and he dropped her hand like he’d gripped the wrong end of a saber. He looked at her hesitantly then, but he didn’t wait too long as the ship lurched again, nearly knocking them down a second time. Without another word, Ben reached for her other hand with his still gloved one, and began to lead her out of the throne room. 

Red lights began to blink themselves on in the hallways outside Snoke’s chambers, but the aisles were still overwhelmingly dark. She reached out with the force, feeling Ben doing much the same in front of her as he guided them to the nearest escape. His hand became her lifeline in all of the confusion that surrounded her, and she clutched it all the more tightly as suddenly they came upon a door and he pressed a button to open it. 

Their exit sprang open with a hiss, and Ben quickly rushed her into a room with lights that were far too bright for her aching head. She clenched her eyes shut, using him as her sight as he led her deeper into wherever they were. Again the door hissed shut, and the lights dimmed suddenly as he led her through another. 

The ship jolted again as they passed through this second door frame, and Rey felt him bracing them both against the opposite sides, his strong hands planting her shoulders against the frame. She cried out in pain when he was a little too forceful with the one she’d injured during her initial fall, and he quickly removed his hand as the ship restablized itself. 

Once they were no longer at risk of being thrown about, Ben led her toward a door at the far end of the latest dark room, and opened it to reveal the familiar, tight interior of an escape ship. He quickly ushered her inside, barely taking the time to shut the door behind them as he guided her to the cockpit, then the co-pilot’s seat, taking the lead in the one beside her. 

Normally Rey would’ve protested being made co-pilot to him of all people, but given what had transpired between them that day and her exhaustion alone, she wasn’t in the mood to fight him on the matter. She did however immediately turn on her own internal fight mode, and listened as Ben told her what switches to flick, buttons to press, and which levers to pull in order to guide the escape pod away from the doomed Supremacy. 

Together, the two of them steered the craft out of its position on the side of the ship, and out into the open expanse of space. Both of them held their breath as various TIEs and other ships flew past them in a frenzy, seeming to be eager to escape their point of origin twice as quickly as Rey and Ben. The sight of it all made Rey wonder just what the fuck had happened to Snoke’s ship that had caused everyone to have to flee. 

“What the hell happened?”

Ben spared a glance in her direction, as if he was surprised that she’d spoken to him. “I don’t know,” he said slowly, then he brought their escape craft into a sharp, left turn, and revealed just what had occurred on the Supremacy. “I’m guessing  _ that _ happened.”

Rey’s mouth dropped open at the sight. The massive, hulking thing of a ship had been severed into two parts, and one was listing off to the side rather horribly as it drifted from the other. All around both halves of the once mighty ship lights were flickering and going out, though she could still see alarms flashing through several windows along its exterior. 

“I wonder what could’ve done this,” Rey mused out loud, trying her best to inspect the wreckage in her delirious state. “Must have been some sort of collision; a nasty one.”

Ben seemed to think over this for a moment, then he sighed. “Whatever it is, we need to get away from it before the first order pulls itself together again,” he said, then he began to steer them away from the wreckage, and back out into the blackness. 

A part of her felt disappointed, but she quickly realized he had a point. They needed to get away quickly without anyone noticing that Kylo Ren was making an amicable escape with a Jedi. That certainly wouldn’t go over well with any first order official, much less whoever was in charge now that Snoke had been murdered. 

It hit her then, what they’d just accomplished in that throne room. What they’d just done  _ together _ . 

Ben had a choice in that room, he could either kill her, or face Snoke’s wrath, and he’d managed to find a third option. When Snoke had told him to ignite the saber, she’d closed her eyes, expecting to be speared through the chest by his crimson blade. She’d been confused, then delighted to hear Snoke cry out instead, and falling to the floor had never been more pleasant. She was _ alive.  _ He’d spared her life, choosing to kill the supreme leader instead of her. 

She hadn’t even had time to ask him why, or to even thank him for saving her life before they’d been thrust into their first—and hopefully not last—battle as allies. But as Ben steered them further and further away from the chaos, she now had the chance. 

“Why?” she asked him after a minute of silence. 

His face was unreadable as he stared blankly ahead of them. “Why what?”

“Why did you do it? Why did you kill him?”

Ben tensed then, and even beneath the layers of his tunic, she could see the muscles of his arms—which she vividly remembered the sight of—clench at the mention of his old master. He took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. His voice then came out in a whisper so faint, she wasn’t sure she heard it, “I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Before she could ask him what he meant by that, his hand gripped the steering column tightly, and he banked them to the right, “We need to ditch this thing somewhere as soon as we can.”

“But where?”

“Anywhere. Wherever the nearest planet is.”

“Why? Won’t we be less conspicuous if were in a first order craft?”

“Yes,” he replied, then she noticed his jaw trembling slightly, “But this is Snoke’s escape ship. I want to ditch it anyway.”

_ Oh.  _

She looked around herself at the craft, which was indeed the height of luxury, even for a small escape ship that could only ever seat two people at one time. The space was small, but the design was well thought out with a clear intent to provide the user with a sense of comfort as they traveled, however far that distance may be. 

“We don’t exactly have another option, Ben… unless…”

“Unless?”

“Unless you want me to signal Chewie and the Falcon.”

The man sitting beside her paled visibly, making his raven hair stand out even more despite the black interior of their escape pod. For a moment, he looked at war with himself, though she supposed he’d looked that way from the moment she’d first met him. But it was there in the cockpit of their ship that she first truly noticed it, and she wondered if he’d ever been at peace. 

“I’m not coming back.”

“I know, Ben, that’s why we’re doing this, so we can figure out what to do.” She hesitated a moment before adding, “Together.”

“Fine, but we’re not taking the Falcon.”

“Fine,” she said in response, then she leaned back against her chair. “Let’s just get out of here.”

Ben made a sort of grunting noise in agreement, then he began to steer them out towards the stars. “Knowing Snoke, he’d have this ship equipped with everything he could think of.” He began looking around the many switches and levers in front of them. “One of these will bring us into hyperspace.”

“Why do we need to go into hyperspace?”

“Rey, we don’t want to get caught. There’s not exactly an abundance of planets around us, we need to hide until we figure this out.”

She blinked at him a few times, but slowly nodded, proceeding to work with him in silence until they managed to find the right one. A few minutes after that the stars in front of them became streaks of pale, blue light, and they were headed far, far away from both the first order and the resistance. If either one of them wanted to back out of this plan now, it was far too late. They’d already committed. They were doing this. 

An hour later, Ben and Rey piloted their little escape craft down toward the surface of a blue and green planet, both curious as to what awaited them on the surface. Neither of them said anything as they broke through the atmosphere, hoping the ship held it together through the admittedly rough entrance. 

After what felt like hours, they finally stopped shaking, and the descent went much more smoothly from there. The whole thing reminded Rey of the journey to Takodana with Han and Finn—it couldn’t have been more than a week ago, but with all that had happened, it felt like a lifetime had passed—where she’d remarked how much green there was. She’d felt Han’s eyes on her then, watching her as she saw true plant life for the first time, and she felt his son’s on her now, watching her jaw drop again at the sight of all the flora before them. 

“It’s so…” she breathed, but she couldn’t find herself finishing the sentence as they passed over a massive lake. She spared a glance over at Ben to find him hurriedly looking elsewhere, hoping he hadn’t been caught looking at her. 

“We need to find somewhere to stop,” was all Ben said, and she gave him a nod before setting her eyes along the edge of the lake and the forest beyond for somewhere to land their ship. 

It took her about ten seconds to spot a large patch of sand along the lake, one that seemed big enough to allow their escape craft to dock, and she quickly pointed it out to Ben. He looked at it apprehensively, then at her with an eyebrow quirked as if asking if she was sure about this, but she only started the landing sequence in response. If they weren’t landing there before, they certainly were now. 

Silently, Ben steered the ship into position above the little beach they’d found, and set it down as gently as he could. When he finished, he shut the engines down and the two of them simply sat in the quiet for a moment, the only sound being that of their breathing as the reality of what they’d done really hit them. 

Together they’d just betrayed both of their causes in a way, by running from them both to do this. Through their bond they could sense each other’s internal conflict over their decision; could sense the other’s desperate attempts to justify their actions in their own minds. They weren’t exactly doing this because they wanted to completely abandon their sides and go on a joy ride together, after all, but some part of it bagged at the back of their heads that what they were doing wasn’t all right. 

Rey was the first one to speak after at least a good ten minutes had passed. “We should see what we can find for food and shelter, then we can get to business.”

He shifted uncomfortably in the seat beside her. “We already have shelter, Rey, we can just use this.”  _So much for his plan to ditch the damn thing._

In all the confusion and mixed emotions, she hadn’t even thought of that. Her first thought had honestly been to get out of that cramped space. She knew he felt the awkward tension building within it as much as she did, if not more, and desired nothing more than to get the hell out of there immediately. “Right. I just… I don’t know where to start.”

“Neither do I.”

Another awkward silence settled over them, making Rey think over every decision she’d made that led her here. From the moment she’d first decided to leave Luke on Ahch-To to now she’d had a whirlwind day. She couldn’t remember the last time she slept. A part of her wondered just how purple the bags under her eyes must have been. Did they now rival his? Did they match?

Her eyes wandered over to Ben, who was now openly staring at her, but he wasn’t looking at her face, he was looking off to her side. “What are you staring at?” she asked him, causing him to jolt slightly as he came out of his thoughts. 

“You were cut during the fight,” he said, looking into her eyes. “I was wondering if it was still bleeding.”

The battle they’d fought together flashed in front of her mind, and a smile rose to her face at the thought of them fighting together, side by side. Knowing he was right behind her for those first few precious minutes defending her six had fueled her adrenaline like nothing else. She’d been able to sense him through it all thanks to whatever connection had been created between them. She’d sensed his fear, his anger, his raw strength as they’d borrowed from one another to take down Snoke’s guards in a showdown history had never seen before. 

After all, when was the last time a light side user and a dark side user had fought together?

But it had all gotten much scarier and much more hectic when they’d become separated during the battle, with Ben cordoned off by one group of guards and her by another. She’d called out to him when it happened, but it had quickly become apparent that they wouldn’t be getting back to one another anytime soon unless they took down every single one of those guards. 

As they did that, she couldn’t recall a time when she’d felt more alive, like her entire body was on fire. She and Ben had moved like two halves of one great machine of a weapon despite spending half of the battle apart, they’d been unstoppable. All of the things they could do when they worked together… so many possibilities had opened up in front of her eyes, and for once she was excited for the future. 

She could only hope they’d accomplish that same sort of magic now, here, on this strange new world they’d found where they were completely isolated from all of the fighting. 

“Rey?” Ben’s voice asked softly, snapping her out of her thoughts. 

“Hmm?”

“Do you mind if I…?” He gestured to the arm he couldn’t see, asking her without using words if he could take a look at it. 

She gave him another nod, and shifted in the seat so that she could show him her right arm, which was indeed still bleeding, but only a little. A majority of the wound had been cauterized instantly upon contact with the blade. It was more of a burn than it was a cut, but still she could feel twinges of pain whenever she moved that arm, or hell, whenever she so much as breathed. 

Ben made a sound that sounded vaguely like a grunt. “That’s going to scar.” 

She shrugged, wincing slightly at what the motion did to her arm. “Guess we’ll be even, then,” she replied, gesturing to the long scar she’d left along his face, following the trail of it with her eyes until it disappeared beneath his shirt collar. But now she knew just how far it went, just how good she’d gotten him. As flustered as she’d been when he’d shown up in their connection wearing only his trousers, she’d certainly taken the time to admire her work. The full scar went from above his right eyebrow all the way down to the middle of one of his pectoral muscles, serving as a permanent reminder of just how thoroughly she’d kicked his ass the first time they’d been involved in a battle. 

She strongly preferred the second time, though. Fighting with him had been much more intense and fulfilling than fighting against him. 

At her words, though, Ben looked away, rendering the scar temporarily invisible from her sight. “I was going to offer to help you heal it so we could get to work.”

She glanced down at the small wound again, which was certainly a long way from healing, but she found herself almost wanting it to scar. “No, I want to leave it,” she told him, “I want to remember what we did today.”

“I don’t think either of us will be able to forget it anytime soon, Rey.” She shuddered slightly at the sound of her name coming from his lips, though she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that made her feel that way. 

The corners of her mouth slowly formed a smile. “We won.”

A faint hint of a smile grew on his face as he hummed a response. “We did.”

“We didn’t get a chance to talk about what happened earlier… what did you mean when you said you couldn’t take it anymore?”

Ben didn’t hesitate to change the subject at the sound of that. “How’s your shoulder?”

She shrugged, feeling only a slight twinge of pain now compared to the sharp, stabbing sensation that had shot up her arm earlier. “It’s better. I’ll be fine,” she assured him, then she tried to press her question to him again. “But, Ben, what did you...?”

Again, he glossed right over her question, scratching the back of his head with a sigh. “You’re right, we should find food,” he said, then he got up from the pilot’s seat, and abruptly left the cockpit. 

His sudden exit left her a little stunned and perhaps mildly hurt, but she tried not to let it bother her as she followed him out of the ship. She waited patiently behind him as he pressed the button that would open the exit ramp, which hissed as it unlatched from its secure location, and slowly lowered itself to the ground. 

Ben didn’t look back at her as he walked down the ramp, and onto the golden sand toward the pale, blue water. She could sense his awe and curiosity though as he took it in for the first time, feelings that also ran through her own mind as she, too stepped out onto the beach. 

The sand crunched slightly beneath her boot, and even through the sole of her shoe she could feel that it was warm like the sands of her home world. But unlike Jakku this sand brought to her a sense of comfort, this sand didn’t go on and on without end. It didn’t have the graves of millions of lost travelers and ships within its layers, or the graves of her parents…

She snapped herself out of that line of thinking as she took in the rest of their temporary abode, trying instead to focus on the feel of the wind as it blew her hair back from her shoulders, and the sound of the water lapping at the shore in tiny waves. Slowly, she walked until she and Ben were standing side by side in the soft light of the setting sun, both of them seeming to forget what they’d walked out here for. 

“It all seems so far away out here,” Rey mused after a while, “Like if you closed your eyes, you could pretend it was all a bad dream.”

A sound escaped Ben that sounded vaguely like a laugh. “You probably could.”

“We should get to work,” Rey said next, then Ben nodded and they set out on setting up camp. 

Over the next two hours by means of both skill and the force, they managed to wrangle some fish from the lake and gather wood for a fire. Rey took some pride in managing to create a spark without even touching the little pile they created, and soon they had a fire between them that kept them warm as the sun faded beneath the horizon, and the cold settled in. 

They were quiet as they ate their makeshift meal, the two of them sitting on opposite sides of the fireplace. The position forced them to look through the fire in order to see one another, their faces blurred by occasional smoke, which created an effect that was overall much more dramatic than either of them intended it to be. 

At least, it did until the wind shifted the smoke so it blew right into Rey’s face, and she had to move so that she was sitting beside him. They still kept a small distance between one another, but now she could see his face unobstructed by the flame. His face was always expressive, but it was even more so up close. It was almost like he was able to project his thoughts and innermost feelings onto it, and with the addition of the bond between them, she felt like she was able to read his mind. 

The question spilled out of her mouth before she could think to stop it. “Why did you save me?” Well, it wasn’t the worst thing she could’ve asked him. 

Ben’s eyes flicked to her briefly, then he went back to watching the fire. He seemed to be thinking about his answer for a moment before he sighed. “I had a choice,” he said, his gaze never wavering from the yellow and orange tendrils of light. “I could kill you and live the rest of my life doing Snoke’s bidding, or…”

“Or?”

Another moment passed in complete quiet before he spoke again. “I…” There was a look in his eyes she hadn’t seen before, except perhaps—though rather fleetingly—when they’d spoken about Luke. It was so faint that if she’d been any further from him she may have missed it, but she recognized it instantly.  _ Fear. _ He’d been afraid of his master… But why? 

“He hurt you, didn’t he?” she asked, and he tensed suddenly, his shoulders bunching up and his face turning into a grimace. “That’s why you killed him.”

If she’d blinked she would’ve missed Ben giving her the barest hint of a nod before his eyes locked onto hers at long last. He didn’t even have to open his mouth for her to hear the _we’ll discuss it later_ , in his thoughts, and her mouth tightened into a line in response, but she didn’t press him for more. He wasn’t ready yet. Perhaps in time he would be, and she’d finally be able to understand just what the hell had happened in that throne room. 

“Ben?” 

“Hmm?”

“Just… thank you.”

Ben looked stunned at hearing those words from her mouth, his jaw falling open slightly as he tried to come up with a response. “I’d do it again,” was what he wound up telling her, sending her heart beating far too fast in her chest as she tried and failed to process the words and what they meant. 

Suddenly she felt like she was on fire under his gaze, and she hurriedly looked for an excuse to leave the conversation and the fire behind and get away from… whatever the hell it was she was feeling. 

Rey stood up first, and cast the remnants of her food into the fire before looking up at the shuttle they’d stolen with a yawn. The day had certainly taken its toll on her, to the point where she once again wasn’t entirely sure when the last time she slept was. Hell, she wasn’t sure if she’d slept at all since they’d first started communicating through the force. And in the time since then she’d trained, trained with Luke, touched hands with Ben, fought with Luke, been tortured by Snoke, and fought a battle  _ with  _ Ben. She was exhausted, and frankly amazed that she was still standing.

“I’m going to get some sleep,” she told him. “It’s getting late, and I haven’t slept.” 

“Yeah, me too,” he replied, repeating her action with the food before he too rose to his feet. He put out the fire with a wave of his hand, then together they walked back to the shuttle. 

She wondered if he could feel her sudden shift in emotions through their connection, if he could sense the blush that crept up her cheeks in the fading daylight, and she hoped with everything she had that he couldn’t. But her luck had never been consistent, leaving her very much doubtful that her racing heart and flushed face had gone unnoticed. He at least had the decency not to say anything about it out loud, though she suspected that was more his awkwardness than anything else. 

The only sound on the short walk to the shuttle was their footsteps crunching in the sand, and in the near blackness of the night the noise was deafening. By the time they got inside the shuttle, Rey had almost forgotten about her problems over the noise, but as per usual, the force—or whatever the hell else was out there— had other ideas.

The escape craft they’d taken had belonged to Snoke. It was intended to rest him and only him at all times, with perhaps a couple of crew members to man the cockpit. So it made sense that when they walked back inside and found the tiny spare bedroom, the gold trimmed room only had one—admittedly large—bed. As much progress as they’d made that day, Rey knew they weren’t ready for that kind of thing yet. 

“Oh…” she breathed, scratching her head as she looked at the single bed nervously, “I’ll um… I’ll take the cockpit.”

“What?”

“I’ll sleep in the cockpit.”

“No, I’ll sleep in the cockpit,” Ben insisted, gesturing for her to enter the small bedroom. “You go ahead.”

Rey closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, then an idea came to her mind. “Why don’t we take turns? Every couple of hours we’ll trade places until the sun comes up.”

They looked at one another apprehensively for a moment, then Ben stepped aside, “You can have the first shift.”

“Ben…”

“I’ll see you in the morning, then our work begins,” was all he said before he walked back down toward the cockpit, disappearing behind its black door seconds later. 

The second she was alone, Rey felt an emptiness wash over her. Through their bond she could feel his as well, as if separating for the night after all that had happened felt just as wrong to him as it did to her. She didn’t want to think about what that meant. 

Instead, she pressed into the room, and shut the door behind her before stripping off her boots and resting her lightsaber on the table just to the right of the bed. A shaky breath left her lungs as she flopped down onto the sheets, not bothering to remove anymore of her clothing as gravity and exhaustion took hold. The day’s events flooded her mind,  making her tired mind spin with anticipation at what she’d gotten herself into. She didn’t know what she expected out of working with Ben, but one thing was certain. 

It was going to be a long three days.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter entirely in sprints thanks to the writing den. I owe y'all one. Anyway, here's some angst.

The dreams Ben had that night were not his own, of that much he was certain. Considering he was viewing himself through different eyes, there was no possible way that he was the one dreaming them. At least, he hoped not. As he tossed and turned in the pilot’s seat, the dreams got worse and worse. 

In them he was always in the throne room, well, he and whoever’s perspective he was seeing this from were in there together, more accurately. And each time it always ended with either his death, or the other person’s death at either his hands or Snoke’s. It always ended with him calling out Rey’s name, and everything going black before the scene started again. 

Each time things grew more and more intense. The torture was worsened, the stakes were raised, and the death at the end was somehow more violent. By the time he woke up in a cold sweat, even Ben was feeling completely and utterly terrified as he clutched at the various parts of his body to make sure they were all still there. 

He leaned back against the hard, leather planes of the pilot’s seat, letting his breathing slow as he pondered just what the hell had happened in his sleep. Those dreams weren’t his own. They’d been projected onto him by someone else, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who.  _ Rey.  _

Reaching out into the bond, Ben could sense that she was still asleep, still dreaming about the throne room and writhing in pain from what she must’ve thought was real. Without giving it a second thought, Ben got up from the pilot’s seat, his bones protesting as he shifted from his stiff sleeping position and stood in the cockpit. He grimaced slightly from the pain, then he wordlessly moved back out of the front of the ship and toward the single, spare bedroom on board the escape pod. 

Her pain grew louder and more intense—to the point where it was almost crippling—as Ben got closer. By the time he was in the bedroom, he had nearly doubled over as he clutched his head in some vain attempt to protect himself from the onslaught of torture she was suffering in the night. It took all the strength he had to approach the bed, where Rey was lying surprisingly still in her tormented sleep, and try to wake her up. 

“Rey,” he whispered, keeping a wary distance from her as he waited a few seconds for her to awaken. “ _ Rey. _ ”

She slept on, completely unaware that Ben was now standing above her, watching her suffer in complete silence. A groan of frustration left him then, and he approached the bed cautiously before reaching out a hand, and tapping her shoulder. “Wake up.”

Still, nothing happened, and Ben wondered briefly if it would be possible for Rey to sleep through the end of the universe. The thought made him chuckle, but his laughter was cut short by another fresh, vivid wave of pain accompanied by an echoing scream from the nightmares haunting Rey’s mind. 

“Rey!” He called out, this time sitting down on the bed next to her and placing his hand on her arm, shaking her gently. “It’s just a dream, wake up.”

Her eyes sprang open then, and she immediately lashed out at him, pinning him against the wall with the force before he could even think to defend himself. His head met the wall with a worrying thud, and he coughed as the air was knocked from his lungs by the impact. He wasn’t sure how long she held him there, but by the time she put him down he was seeing stars in his vision, barely able to process her cries of, “Ben!” and, “I’m so sorry!” as she scrambled from the bed and joined him on the ground. 

Ben groaned as he looked up into her concerned eyes, and reached up a hand to feel the back of his head. It was perfectly dry, but a little sore. The beating he’d taken must not have been as bad as he thought. “It’s fine,” he muttered, pushing himself into a sitting position. 

“I— I didn’t mean to,” she said, her words leaving her in a rush. “I was having nightmare after nightmare and I just—”

“I know.”

“What?” 

“Rey, I know. It’s fine,” Ben told her, then when she looked at him in bewilderment he sighed. “I could see your dreams… You were projecting them very loudly.”

She froze then, and pressed a palm into her forehead. “You shouldn’t have seen that.”

“Well, I did.” He took a deep breath, thinking through what he said next very carefully before he added, “I’ve had worse.”

Again, he instantly regretted saying it. With one sentence, he already felt like he’d said too much, revealed too many things about himself that he really shouldn’t reveal to anyone, even if he felt like he could trust Rey. It was like the day before when he’d told her he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d opened up a whole, nasty can of worms with that one that he knew he’d never be able to close. While she’d dropped the subject for the time being, she was too curious for her own good, and he was all too aware that she’d press him again for answers later. Answers which he had no doubt he’d be willing to eventually give her, if presented with the right circumstances. 

Mercifully, Rey seemed to be a quick learner, and instantly understood he didn’t want to be pressed further on the subject. Instead, she rose to her feet, and offered him her hand, which he took gratefully. “I suppose this is as good a time as any to trade positions,” she said quietly, keeping her eyes away from his. 

Ben shook his head, “No, no, it’s fine, you can stay here if you want. You need it more than me.”

“Ben…” she protested.

“No, really, you’ve been through enough.”

“So have you. Take the damn bed,” she ordered him, pointing a finger at the bed in question. 

“I don’t need it, I’ll sleep fine in the cockpit. You can have the bed.”

At this, Rey groaned, and flopped back onto the bed, causing her entire body to bounce a couple of times as she settled into it. “Fine, but you’re staying with me.”

“What?”

“Don’t pretend you’re comfortable in there,” she told him, the barest hint of a grin visible in the darkness of the room. “I can feel the tension in your shoulders, all the sore spots from where you cramped up in the night.” As she spoke, she pointed out a few of these “sore spots,” he’d definitely gained in his sleep. Her hands gestured towards her spine, her neck, her left thigh… All the spots he was hurting in the most. It was as if she’d read his mind. 

He stared at her in disbelief, but he quickly remembered their bond, and groaned softly. “We can’t hide anything from each other anymore, can we?” he asked. 

She shook her head, “No, not anymore,” she replied. “Hopefully we won’t start being able to read each other’s minds.”

At this he laughed, “I definitely don’t want to know what you’re thinking.”

“Neither do I, but about you.”

This time they both laughed, then Ben looked over to the far side of the bed, where there was admittedly plenty of space, and they wouldn’t necessarily have to ever touch one another if they didn’t want to. Still, he was hesitant to move as he looked down at Rey’s lone form. “Are you sure?”

“After the day we had? I’m sure.” She patted the space next to her, and scooted a little closer to the edge of the bed. He worried that she might fall off of it, but if she shared the same concern she didn’t say anything. 

Swallowing nervously, Ben moved around to the far side of the bed, and sat down on the edge, facing away from her. He took in another deep breath, then he slowly reached down to remove his boots from his feet, and his gloves from his hands. In his exhaustion earlier, he had forgotten to even take those off as he sat down in the pilot’s seat to try and get some sleep. Now though, he remembered, and as his gloves and boots hit the floor with two dull thuds, the rest of his body did the same on the bed as he collapsed beside Rey. 

This time, it was his turn to thank her. “Um, thank you.”

He could sense her surprise through the bond, a feeling which matched his own when she’d thanked him by the fire earlier that night. No one had thanked him for anything in years, not even Snoke had thanked him for the many tasks he’d performed under his orders. The last time anyone had been genuinely grateful to him for anything was when he’d been training under Luke, and even then he couldn’t remember exactly what it was. 

Rey’s response came a minute later in the form of a very shaky, “Y-You’re welcome.” Then she shuffled in her sleep. “Um, goodnight… Ben…”

He wondered if she could feel the shudder in his breath. “Goodnight, Rey,” he said, then his eyes drifted shut, and now that he was in the comfort of an actual bed, he fell asleep in seconds. 

When Ben woke up from a mercilessly nightmare free sleep, he felt more content and warm than he had in a long time. It felt like he’d been put together again after being torn apart for the last nearly thirty years of his life. He wasn’t sure when the last time he’d felt genuinely good was, but he was certain it had been too long ago for him to remember if it even happened at all. 

He shifted his body slightly, humming contentedly as he brushed up against the warm body he was currently holding in his arms. A smile slowly formed on his face as he held whoever it was tightly against him, like he’d never let them go. Soft, wavy hair tickled his nose as he burrowed his face into the pillow, not wanting to wake up and face the morning that the golden sunlight trickling in through the window promised them. He never wanted to leave this moment, he wanted to stay in this bed forever and not have to worry about Snoke or Rey or the whole first order and resistance war he’d been fighting for too long. 

Unfortunately, he was snapped out of his revelry far too quickly as the thoughts of Rey and Snoke came to his mind. The thoughts called to memory the events of the previous day from start to finish, from getting his wound treated to running away with Rey to— _ oh no _ .

Ben’s eyes snapped open as he realized what the real last thing he remembered before waking up was. Rey had allowed him to stay in the bed with her, deeming them both far too exhausted to warrant staying in the cockpit any longer. He’d crawled into the bed on the opposite side, and he’d swear to the force that he’d been as far away from her as possible, but now—now he was definitely holding her in his arms. He didn’t have to look hard to see that the source of the wavy brown hair that had bunched up in his face was her. 

“Shit,” he breathed, taking note of just how wrapped up in Rey he had become in the night. Since they’d fallen asleep together, they’d somehow managed to get their limbs completely tangled. His legs had wrapped around one of hers, and one of his arms had slipped beneath her torso in the night—said arm was also now thoroughly asleep, and he could barely feel a thing from his left hand—while the other was wrapped around her waist and holding something soft and a little bit— _ oh _ . Upon doing a double check, he realized that his hand was indeed cupping one of Rey’s breasts.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he removed the hand he’d unintentionally had on Rey’s chest, and let it simply fall loose in front of her abdomen, hoping she hadn’t noticed that he’d accidentally groped her. He could feel his cheeks flushing red without needing to look in the mirror. In all his life, he’d been close to other people before. There had been some cuddling in the Jedi temple, but that had been purely platonic and no one was pressed tightly up against one another like  _ this. _

Rey was completely flush against him, he could feel her ass pressed against his rather unfortunate erection, causing him further embarrassment as he tried to angle his hips away from her. Again, the force was merciful that morning as he seemed to be able to get away with this without stirring her, but there would be no removing his arm from beneath her without waking her up. No matter what he did, she would find out about how wrapped up they’d become in one another overnight. The conversation was one he was definitely not looking forward to. 

After what felt like an eternity debating how to approach Rey with his internal conflict, he felt her stir beside him, and through their connection he sensed her slowly waking up. She was feeling those exact same fuzzy, warm, and almost euphoric feelings he’d felt when he’d first woken up before he realized he was holding her rather intimately. He almost pitied her for the moment she realized exactly why she felt that way. 

A yawn left her lips, and Ben—almost involuntarily, like it was ripped from his throat by an invisible hand—followed suit, exposing the position they were in to Rey long before he was ready to. 

Beside him, she froze, her entire body tensing as she realized what was happening. Thinking quickly, Ben shut his eyes, and pretended to be asleep, but he knew it was useless. They shared a connection, a bond of some sort, and she could most certainly tell he was awake. Her shock came through the bond in waves, then her anger, which was then followed by her steady voice—though he sensed she was struggling to keep it so—asking him, “How long have we been like this?”

“I have no idea,” he said honestly. It was true. He’d woken up to find himself in the same position as she had. Neither of them had intended to wrap themselves up in one another, but at some point in the night one of them must have reached out to the other, and in their unconscious states, their bodies sought the warmth. 

Rey took in a deep breath. “Can you move?”

“I tried to, but you’re on my arm, Rey.”

“What?” 

He twitched his arm, which was growing more numb by the minute as she continued resting on top of it. She seemed to realize what he was talking about then, and sat up abruptly muttering an apology while keeping her gaze on anything in the room that wasn’t him. 

Ben slowly joined her so that they were both sitting upright on the bed, still perhaps a little bit too close, but in less awkward of a position than they’d been in two minutes ago. He ran a hand through his hair, brushing a few dark strands from his eyes as he took in the light streaming through the small porthole of a window. 

Judging by the pink streaks in the sky, it was early morning, and the sun had just started to rise on their little planet. A few clouds dotted the sky outside, painting the sky in more oranges and yellows contrasting with the blue. The overall effect was stunning, and combined with the lingering sense of happiness that came from holding Rey that morning—however much he’d try to deny that he enjoyed it—it made him feel content. At least, it did, until Rey reminded him what they’d come here to do. 

“We should make some more food, then get started,” she said, rolling off of the bed without so much as a glance in his direction. 

Ben gave her a nod, though he was fairly certain she didn’t see it. “Yeah, we should, but, Rey?”

“Hmm?” She glanced in his direction, and quirked an eyebrow at him. He could sense her mild discomfort and lingering traces of confusion in the bond, and for a moment he wondered if she was feeling the same sort of conflict over holding him that morning as he was feeling about holding her. The look in her eyes told him everything; that internally they were both thinking the same three words,  _ what the hell, what the hell, what the hell,  _ on repeat. 

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” he told her. 

She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, Ben. It’s in the past now. Weren’t you the one who wanted to let it die?” she asked, then she walked out of the bedroom leaving Ben still sitting on the bed stunned as the door slid shut with a quiet hiss. For a lightsider, she sure had a sith-like taste for dramatic exits that the universe hadn’t seen since his grandfather. 

After a few seconds passed, Ben put his gloves and boots back on and followed her outside, walking cautiously down the exit ramp she’d left open for him. The outside of the ship was still the peaceful calm it had been the day before, only now the sand seemed to be a more pink hue in the dim light of the morning. He could smell the remnants of the fire they’d lit the night before, the sour tang of smoke filling his nostrils as he looked down at where the pit still rested, full of the burnt remains of their meal. 

Rey stood by the edge of the water, letting the gentle, barely an inch tall waves lap at her bare toes. Unlike him, she hadn’t bothered to put her boots back on, and she was now bending to roll up the legs of her pants so she could wade further into the water without getting her clothes wet. As he watched she stood on one leg, making semi circles in the water with the other. She seemed fascinated by the way the water moved and rippled around her foot, and something about the smile that began to erupt on her face and the feeling of glee that washed into their bond found Ben utterly enchanted by the sighed. 

_ Enchanted,  _ where the hell had that come from? That certainly wasn’t something he wanted to be thinking about the scavenger; wasn’t something he  _ should  _ be thinking about her. No, any thoughts he had about her needed to be in regard to their plan for what they were going to do together to help stop this war. He couldn’t be thinking about her like…  _ that.  _

Sure, he’d thought about her more than he cared to admit. When they’d fought in the forest and she’d made a mess of his face, she’d consumed most of his thoughts for the next twenty four hours until they saw each other again. He’d at first been angry, hurt, and perhaps betrayed by what she’d done, but by the time he saw her again he found all of those emotions fading away into pure disbelief and something else he couldn’t quite name. 

Throughout the remainder of that day, his thoughts about her had only grown more and more, and by the end of the day he’d killed his master to save her life. He didn’t want to think too hard on the implications of what that meant.

As if she sensed his thoughts, Rey turned around, and the smile began to fade from her face even as she continued to trace patterns in the water. “It’s actually quite warm,” she said, her voice holding no anger or bitterness toward him. It sounded incredibly neutral, and he couldn’t tell whether or not she was still angry. 

“I can imagine,” Ben replied, stepping toward the edge of the lake cautiously until the water threatened to overtake his boot. The sound of the water rippling and gently colliding with the shore was rather calming, and Ben found himself wanting to just walk in there and stand by her side making shapes in the lake for as long as he possibly could. 

Unfortunately, they did have business to attend to, and they only had three days to do it. When she’d proposed it the day before, it had seemed like a reasonable amount of time, but now he realized it was the day after tomorrow. Their time together was going to be far too brief.  

After debating with himself for a minute, he cleared his throat. “We should get to work.”

“We should,” she said, then she walked out of the water, and the first day began. 

Trying to get Rey to agree with him turned out to be an absolute nightmare. She was unfortunately, just as stubborn as he was, if not more. It made sense, given what he knew about her, but still he wished she’d just listen to him and his ideas. He knew they weren’t stupid, he knew what he was saying had some merit, but she was so headstrong and once she had her mind set on something, she, like him, was going to do it. 

They went at it for a good few hours, the sun steadily creeping its way up into the sky as the two force users argued relentlessly until it reached high noon, and they sought shelter in the shade of their escape craft after making themselves a quick lunch. They sat bitterly on opposite sides of the bedroom during their break, neither of them saying anything as Ben fiddled with the button on his saber that would ignite it. He looked across the room and noticed Rey was doing much the same, the sound of her fingernails scraping against the metal of his family’s saber filling his ears. 

Suddenly, he was filled with an idea. 

“I have another proposition for you,” he said, watching as she glanced up so her eyes met his. 

“You do?”

“We’ve got a lot of built up tension between us, why don’t we let off some steam?” he asked, and immediately the bond was filled with more shock and anger. 

“Why don’t we what?” she squeaked, momentarily dropping the saber from her hands, and only just managing to catch it before it clanged violently on the ground. 

Ben looked at her in confusion. “I’m suggesting that we practice duelling. First person to land a would-be kill strike gets to speak their piece in full.”

Relief flooded their bond, then, and she clutched at her chest as her breath left her in a rush, “Oh! Oh, that’s… that’s fine, I thought… Force, Ben, I thought you meant something else.”

“Like what— Oh…” Once again he felt his cheeks turn crimson, and he looked away from her as she began to laugh wildly for the first time that day. The sound of it filled Ben with the same warmth he’d felt that morning, and he found himself noticing that he rather enjoyed the sound of Rey’s laugh. It was one he could stand to hear again, if he could get her to stop glaring at him for five minutes. 

“Anyway,” Rey’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “I think that’s probably a good idea, I always wanted the opportunity to kick your arse again.”

At this, Ben looked back at her, meeting her gaze with the upward turn of his eyebrow, “Have you now?”

She nodded. “I have, it was rather satisfying the first time.”

  
“I was injured the first time. You had the advantage.”

“Oh, so that’s what we’re doing now? Excuses?”

“It’s true, I’d just been shot, I was bleeding, Rey.”

“I’m sure that’s the only reason you lost.”

“It definitely was.”

“Okay, you’re on, then.”

“Bring it.”

Five minutes later they stood on the beach, both of them now wearing their boots, and holding their lightsabers unignited in front of them. Rey was staring Ben down with the very same ferocity she’d looked at him with in the forest, the sight calling to mind his words from the day before,  _ “You have that look in your eyes, from the forest…” _

But now there was also a mischievous glint in them, which was enhanced by the upward tilt of one of the corners of her mouth as she assumed a fighting stance, and immediately charged at Ben as she ignited her saber. He followed suit, and met her strike for strike as they began an odd sort of dance across the sand. 

Rey was undoubtedly talented with the saber, but rather inexperienced all the same. He could tell in the way she held the blade, like it was a staff rather than sword, and how easily he was able to crack her defenses. Still, there was so much potential in the young Jedi, and if she were to be trained properly, he had no doubt she’d become one of the most skilled fighters of their generation. 

As they fought, bits of the beach were kicked up around them while they swirled around each other, their duel creating a tornado of debris around them as they attempted to gain the upper hand on one another. At one point, their blades locked, reminding him of the first time they’d fought together and he’d first tried to ask her to join him. 

Rey grinned at him over their locked blades, her smile making the light from their sabers seem dim by comparison. “Feeling tired yet?”

“You wish,” he replied, then he broke the blade lock, and slashed toward her in a wide arc that narrowly missed her gut. She gasped at the near contact, then she was back on him, fighting him with all the strength of a hurricane.

Ben wasn’t going to let her get away so easily, however, and when she failed to catch a feint to her right side, he took the opportunity to nick the piece of clothing covering her stomach, which if they’d actually been trying to kill each other would’ve been fatal. At this, Rey stopped fighting him, and they both extinguished their blades in acknowledgement that the fight was over, and he’d won. 

Both of them were panting heavily as they stared at one another in the aftermath of their battle, and Ben watched a bead of sweat trickle down Rey’s forehead, gliding smoothly down the edge of her cheekbone before it disappeared off her jaw. He swallowed, though his mouth was completely dry as they looked at one another with a heated gaze. 

“Feeling tired yet?” he joked, and she shook her head as she openly grimaced at him, but through the bond he could sense she was laughing. The only thing holding her back was her pride. “Let’s take another break before we start discussions again.”

She nodded, “Sounds like a good plan,” she said, then the two of them walked back towards their escape craft in silence. Well, almost silence, the two of them were still horribly out of breath.

The moment he stepped inside the ship, Ben removed his gloves, feeling as though he’d created another lake with the sweat he’d built up inside of them. Hell, he’d probably created several with the amount covering his entire body. Fighting Rey under a burning sun while wearing black had in hindsight been a colossal mistake, and he was filled with regret as he wandered into the bedroom, tossing his gloves onto the nightstand that sat on Rey’s side. 

Without even thinking, Ben sat down on the bed and stripped down to the waist, placing his arm guard and tunic in a rather messy pile on the floor before he collapsed onto the bed facing the ceiling as the cool air fell upon his overheated body. He closed his eyes, feeling an involuntary moan leave him as he felt himself begin to cool off, the noise covering the faint sound of Rey’s squeak as she, too walked into the bedroom. He didn’t notice her standing in the doorway until he felt her embarrassment over their bond, then his eyes snapped open. 

_ Shit. _

Rey was standing in the doorway looking just about anywhere that wasn’t directly at him. Her cheeks matched the color of her saber as her eyes settled on the ground, and he almost chuckled as he remembered the day before when she’d asked him to put on a cowl the last time she’d caught him in this state. 

It seemed, though, that he was not the only one who’d had the idea of removing layers. In her hands she was carrying the gray draping fabric she’d been wearing over her black shirt, and the leather belt that had been keeping it intact along with her saber. His heart skipped a beat in his chest as he looked over her, though he’d seen her wearing less the day before when they’d talked by the fire. Oh, he really had to stop thinking like that. He really, really had to stop thinking about  _ her _ like that lest he find himself actually falling— _ No. _

After a while she finally spoke up. “I don’t suppose…”

“What?”

“You could put on a cowl?”

Still breathing a little too hard, Ben lifted himself up slightly, pulling the sheets out from under him before he buried himself in them, concealing any trace of his bare chest from view. He glanced at her then. “Happy?”

Rey stuck her tongue out at him as she sat down on the bed, lying down beside him on the opposite side in silence. Faintly, he could still hear her trying to catch her breath as well, the toll of their sparring session wearing heavily on them both. A big rush of air left her a moment later, and he turned his head to find her staring up at the ceiling. “You won.”

“I did.”

She cleared her throat. “You’re good when you’re not injured, I’ll give you that.”

“Thanks.”

There was another pause, then Rey shifted onto her side so that she was facing him. “What did you have in mind, then?”

Ben groaned as he rolled over to match her, his body shadowing hers from the light pouring in through their small window. “You want to discuss this now?”

“We’ve only got three days, Ben, then no matter what we agreed… It’s back to base for both of us and we go our separate ways. Unless… Unless base is the same for both of us.”

“I’m not going back with you, Rey, I don’t belong there.”

“But you could. Once people find out what you did to Snoke, they’ll start to trust you, Ben.” Her voice was so earnest, and he could tell she genuinely believed what she was saying, but he still couldn’t ever go back. He’d done too much, he’d hurt too many people.. He’d killed his own father in the name of the First Order. It was too late for him. 

He shook his head. “I can’t, Rey. I’ve.. I’ve done too much…”

At this, she seemed to acknowledge that he had a point, and she blinked a few times as she tried to gather her thoughts into a successful argument. He could practically hear the gears turning in her brain. “Last night by the fire, I reached out my hand to you and told you it wasn’t too late. You took my hand then,” she told him, and as he watched her hand slowly slid across the short space separating them, stopping somewhere in the middle. “What’s stopping you from taking it now?”

That hand had looked just as warm and inviting then as it did now, and Ben found himself wanting more than anything to take it. His hand twitched from its position by his hip, his fingers absentmindedly reaching out to touch hers, longing to feel her soft skin against his once more, but then just like it had every other time he’d been tempted by the light, he could hear Snoke’s voice in the back of his head. Now that Snoke was gone, it was nothing but a memory, but the faint whispers threatened and discouraged him from wanting to take her hand, from wanting to run away from all he’d known for the last six years and join her and her cause. 

“I can’t,” he said, then he turned onto his other side so he wouldn’t have to look at her disappointed, and dare he say heartbroken, face. “I just… I can’t.” And again Snoke’s voice was there, haunting him, threatening him, and making him feel like he was completely and utterly worthless without him. He wasn’t sure what it was now that his master was gone. Whether it was some sort of after effect of having him in his head all those years, or whether their time together had just taken its toll on him. 

Either way, Rey saw right through him, catching onto his fear and utter hopelessness immediately. “You’re afraid.” There was no judgement in her voice, it was merely an observation, her tone completely neutral as her eyes bore into the back of his skull. “No… Ben, you’re frightened…”

“It’s nothing.” Even he couldn’t pretend to believe his lie, and as he felt an all too familiar lump begin to form in his throat, he turned his face toward the pillow. “I’m fine.”

Rey hesitated for a moment beside him. He could sense conflict rising within her as she warred internally with herself over what to do next, how to respond to Ben’s words. Then in a touch that was so agonizingly delicate he thought he might have hallucinated it, she rested her palm against his back, and he felt like he was on fire beneath her small hand. “You told me Snoke hurt you,” she said, her breathing shaky as she worked through what to say next. “I won’t press you for it if you don’t want to tell me, but… If… If you ever do want to talk about it… I’m listening.”

His jaw fell slack at her words, and his head slowly started to pull away from the pillow. No one in all of the many, many years he’d been tormented by Snoke and his own inner demons had ever been willing to listen to him. No one had just sat down with him and talked about his problems. Not Luke, not his parents, and certainly not his former mentor. He’d been alone for so many years in his suffering, and no one had bothered to try and tell him otherwise. No one had tried to change his mind until Rey, who’d grown up twice as lonely as he had, who’d held her hand out to him and promised him he wasn’t alone just as he’d told her the same. 

Slowly, Ben turned over in the bed--the sheets falling from where he’d bunched them up above his chest back down beneath the waistband of his pants, pooling gracelessly at his hips--and faced her, swallowing nervously as he tried to ignore the way her eyes drifted down then back up alarmingly fast. “You’re the first person who’s said that to me.”

“Who’s said what?”

“That you’d listen. Rey, when I started having nightmares… I was a toddler…” he began, feeling his voice begin to tremble, thus betraying any plans he’d made with himself of staying strong through this. 

As if sensing the tension warring within him, Rey’s hand made itself present again, though he wondered if it had ever left its position as she wiggled her fingers before him. With another hesitant pause, he found himself  reaching out for her as he felt the warmth and light that was Rey’s very essence wash over him, his hand finding hers just a second later. 

  
A lone, wet tear streaked down his cheek then, and as his eyes met hers, he noticed that once again she too was misty eyed. The sight of it caused him to remember the tears she’d shed in her hut, the ones he’d wanted so desperately to wipe away, but wondered if she’d even let him, or if he even could. Ben’s tongue darted out to wet his lips briefly, then he began to speak, and over the course of the next hour he told Rey—the woman who was supposed to be his most hated enemy— _ everything _ . 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some people in the writing den asked me what Perihelion was and I figured I ought to explain this fic's weird title. Perihelion is the point in its orbit at which a planet/comet/asteroid is closest to its sun. I'm taking an astronomy class and I thought this word was pretty so it's the fic title.

The time flew by them far too quickly as they spent the next several hours talking, with Ben telling Rey every single agonizing second of the abuse he’d suffered under Snoke, and Rey in turn telling him everything about her time on Jakku. As the conversation went on, she found herself struggling to remember just what they’d come here for in the first place. Surely they’d had a purpose at some point, but now it felt like they’d always been on this planet, like it had always been the two of them against the world. 

Their connection seemed to be growing as the sun streaked across the sky, their abilities to feel one another’s emotions becoming heightened to the point where Rey wasn’t sure what feeling was hers and what feeling was his anymore. Again her mind wandered over to telepathy, and she wondered if at some point they’d truly be able to read each other’s minds. She certainly hoped not. If he ever found out half the thoughts she’d been having about him over the past day they’d spent together, she’d probably die then and there. 

By the time they were sat in front of their fire again, they’d willingly sat on the same side next to one another as they watched the orange flames lick at the black sky. Their thighs were touching, but just barely as they stared at the fire, hypnotized. Neither of them said anything as they thought over the day’s events, but she could sense the smile threatening to break out on his face just as much as hers was. 

For the first time in a long time, the two of them—possibly the two most miserable people in the galaxy—felt a mutual sense of contentment that had been caused by naught but each other’s company. Throughout her body, Rey felt as if she were floating, a feeling which she hadn’t felt in a long time if she’d ever felt it at all. She immediately decided she liked the feeling, and without thinking, she casually leaned against Ben, letting her head rest on one of his broad shoulders. 

Surprise leaked through the bond, but Rey didn’t acknowledge it out loud as she kept her gaze trained firmly on the fire. Beside her, she could feel Ben itching to ask her about the motion, but she continued to ignore it, simply letting herself melt into the side of her new confidant. 

After this, she wasn’t sure how they’d be able to go on as enemies. At the bare minimum they were now allies or perhaps even reluctant friends, but she supposed that having a mental connection to another person tended to do that for people. After they finished their three days, she hoped now more than ever that he’d return with her, even if he didn’t join up with the resistance. He wouldn’t have to. She’d make sure of it. The universe was done forcing Ben and Rey to do things they didn’t want to do. From now on, they were going to make their own rules. They were going to pave their own path. 

It was up to them now.

“Rey?” he asked softly, his deep voice unexpectedly quiet. 

“Yeah?”

“We never did talk about what we’re going to do next.”

She groaned, and smacked his arm. “We’ll do it tomorrow. Right now, I’m enjoying this, don’t ruin it.”

A chuckle left his lips, “Okay, I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” he said, then he glanced down at the hand she had resting on her thigh, and as her heart raced way too fast for her own good, he rested his hand over hers. She nearly had a stroke when she then turned her hand over, and laced her fingers through his, squeezing his hand gently as they settled into this new position. 

Rey’s breathing was shaky as it left her lungs, and her entire body trembled at the contact. It felt like she was electric, like she was a livewire and she was sparking a flurry of blues, oranges, and whites as she held Ben’s hand in her own, and rested her head on his shoulder. She’d just mentally referred to Ben as her friend and confidant, but she wasn’t quite sure if people who were just friends held one another quite like this. No, this was reserved for a different class of people, one that Rey had never thought she’d be a part of, until suddenly sitting beside Ben she saw a whole new world of possibilities open up for her. 

She shuddered again at the thought, and this time, Ben’s concern washed over her as he turned his head to make sure she was alright. “Are you cold?”

“No,” she replied with a laugh. “Just… Shaky…” It wasn’t entirely a lie. She wasn’t cold, the temperature on their little planet was absolutely perfect, even when the sun had gone down. It wasn’t like Jakku where she’d been forced to bundle up in layer upon layer come nightfall, no the climate here was perfectly temperate. 

But Ben didn’t seem convinced; either that, or he’d become wary of the close proximity by which they were now holding each other. Ben gently let go of her hand, and she removed her head from his shoulder as he stood up, and like he had the night before he offered her his hand. She thanked him as she took it, and smiled brightly up at him as the two began their walk back to the ship. 

On their second night, neither one of them made an argument about sleeping in the cockpit or proposed that they took turns on the bed. After the day they’d had, and the things they’d shared, such things seemed highly unnecessary. 

Still, they took off their boots and outer layers facing away from one another, and got into bed on opposite sides, leaving plenty of room in the middle for when Rey feared—or was it hoped? She couldn’t be sure—they’d somehow meet there again. As her head rested against the pillow, she whispered a brief, “Goodnight,” to Ben, but before he could get the chance to respond, sleep grabbed her in its clutches and she drifted off into another nightmare less sleep. 

On the second morning she woke up beside Ben, she was still just as delirious as the first. Though this time she was greeted to the feeling of Ben’s soft, dark hair in her face as she nuzzled it into his neck. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know that they’d once again managed to tangle themselves in the night, and one of her arms was slung around his waist to pull him tightly against her with a sleepy—but iron—grip, and her legs had threaded themselves between his, allowing a pleasant warmth to drift between them. 

Vaguely, Rey had the thought that she ought to be panicked by this situation, by the thought of Ben waking up and finding out that they’d held one another like this overnight, but that thought was quickly killed by the memory of him doing the same to her the day before. If she were being honest, she didn’t mind the position one bit, since it made her feel even more of that same content, wholesome feeling she’d been slowly getting the longer she and Ben were together. 

Ever since they’d shared one another’s darkest secrets, they’d come to understand each other better than anyone else they’d ever known. The level of trust they’d had to put in one another the day before had meant something to Rey, and she knew it meant something to him, too. It had—whether for better or for worse—made their connection immensely more intimate, to the point where they could now casually touch one another without worrying about the other person flinching, or even hold hands as they stared at a fire. 

Ben stirred in his sleep, and she felt one of his hands gently reach out for hers, though in his sleep he seemed to be struggling to find it. She took pity on him a second later, and laced her fingers with his, which eased his movements as a feeling of calm drifted over their connection. Ben’s hands were surprisingly soft in hers, which she hadn’t expected from someone like him, but she supposed that when he wore gloves everywhere he went, they must’ve been properly protected from any sort of calluses. Lucky bastard.

She gently ran her thumb over the back of his hand, and he hummed contentedly beside her, though she could sense he was still asleep, which was a good thing considering the thoughtlessness that carried her next action. 

Without thinking, Rey leaned forward, and pressed the softest, shortest kiss to the back of his shoulder, then she promptly forced herself away with a gasp as she covered her mouth with her free hand. She then froze for what felt like several minutes on end as she waited for Ben to wake up and ask her just what the hell she thought she was doing. By the mercy of the force, he slept on, and Rey was able to contemplate her rash actions in complete silence. 

Oh, she was in too deep now, wasn’t she? Whatever it was that had blossomed between them, she could only hope it was enough to keep them together when their three days ran out the next afternoon. She wasn’t sure how she’d leave this planet without him by her side, and they still hadn’t managed to reach a solution together. They were both just too stubborn. 

A groan left Ben’s lips suddenly, interrupting her from her thoughts as she realized he was in fact awake, and he was now slowly realizing the same thing she had when she’d first woken up. For the second morning in a row, they’d woken up in each other’s arms. Briefly, Rey wondered what would happen if it were to become an every morning occurrence, but she quickly shook the thought from her mind as she slowly began to remove her arm from around his waist. 

The barest hint of betrayal filled the bond, and Rey let her arm drop back around him as Ben let out a musical sort of chuckle that she could listen to for days. “Good morning.”

“Morning… We’ve got to stop doing this…” 

“Doing what?”

“Waking up like this,” Rey replied, “I’m starting to like it.”

“Me too,” Ben said, then another soft laugh shook the bed, and he slowly turned over so that he was facing her, only to find that their faces were now mere inches apart. They froze for a moment, then Rey made the first move as she scooted away from him slightly, just far enough that her hand slid off of his waist. She pretended not to notice the hard planes of his abdominal muscles as her hand skimmed down them, though they were phenomenally hard to ignore. 

This time a sense of mild hurt and confusion entered the bond from both ends, and Rey sighed. “I just mean it’s a distraction. We haven’t gotten nearly enough work done.”

Another wave of hurt slammed into her, but Rey elected to ignore it as she pushed herself into a sitting position, and slung her legs over the bed to retrieve her outer layers from where she’d let them fall into a heap the night before. The complete silence that had fallen over the room allowed her to hear Ben do exactly the same, and through the bond she could feel the conflicting emotions warring within him as he held his tongue. 

It took all the strength she had, but eventually Rey succeeded in ignoring those emotions, and once she was fully dressed she made her exit from the bedroom and back out onto the beach. She needed a moment to think. 

Once she was on the beach, she sat down on the sand just a few feet away from the water’s edge, listening to the gentle lapping of the small waves as they hit the shore. That morning was just like the one before, only this time the sky wasn’t lit up by pinks and oranges, it was overcast and grey like Ahch-To had been half the time that she’d been there. She wondered if it would rain that day, if they’d be forced to spend the day indoors discussing their plans since she suspected Ben wasn’t exactly a fan of standing in the rain all day. 

She tried to push him from her thoughts as she looked out over the lake, trying to see to the distant other side, which was far enough away it was nearly on the horizon. Yet her thoughts remained on the man she’d left in bed on the escape craft. They tended to center on whether or not she might be starting to feel something for him that she most certainly should not feel, and the very real and terrifying implications of what that meant. 

That morning she’d told him she was starting to like waking up next to him—with him in her arms or her in his, rather—and she was now realizing that it may have been too much for her to say too soon. Yet she’d meant those words; every single one of them. She was really starting to look forward to waking up in the morning, to knowing he would be there when she opened her eyes.  _ Oh, shit.  _ She was definitely in deeper than she thought. 

It was going to absolutely break her and possibly him as well when they separated the next day. They’d grown so close within just two days, and with the way their bond had been growing and gathering strength, she was curious to see what it would do to them both once they parted. But that wasn’t exactly something she was eager to find out. 

She needed to stop thinking about it. He could sense her emotions, and if he sensed her sorrow he’d ask her about it, and that wasn’t a conversation she was ready to have. Her past was an open book to him, and his to her, but the present and the future were a whole other can of worms she wasn’t ready to open up. Except in regards to how they planned to end the fighting. 

“Do you think it’ll rain today?” Ben asked suddenly from behind Rey, causing her to jump from fright as she turned to face him. He looked genuinely apologetic as he muttered a quick, “sorry,” before he approached and sat down beside her. She tried not to notice the distance he now put between them, tried to ignore the ache it created in the pit of her stomach. 

Clearing her throat, she looked up to the sky to see the clouds darkening slightly, and she nodded. “I think it might, yeah.” She then trained her gaze on a suddenly fascinating chunk of sand, and began to thread her fingers through it as a silence quickly settled over them. 

As the minutes passed, both of them were filled to the brim with tension. She could tell he was just as clueless as to how to proceed as she was, but she didn’t want to be the one to make the first move. With all that had happened already this morning, she didn’t trust herself to be capable of not saying the wrong thing, so she sat there in the quiet just letting the anticipation hang heavier than the humidity in the air. 

Eventually, Ben finally caved in, and broke the silence. “I had an idea last night.”

“Oh?”

“I was going to tell you about it after our duel, but then…”  _ we got distracted, and told each other our tragic backstories _ , was left unsaid.

She nodded, freeing him from the responsibility of having to finish his sentence as she met his eyes. “So what is it, then?”

“You made good points about some of the flaws in the First Order,” he admitted, though he spoke slowly as if he were trying to cling to the last few tendrils of his pride. Feelings of shame and resignation filled the bond from his side, and she knew he could sense the mild glee she was feeling from hers. 

“Did I?” she asked casually, picking up some of the sand and rubbing it between her fingers. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Ben scoffed, though she sensed the intent behind it was well-humored. “Don’t let it get to your head. I just mean… things need to change. It’s like what I said about letting the past die. We need to do things differently, they can’t go on as they did before.”

“What do you have in mind, then?”

“I’m not joining the resistance,” he began, then he took in a deep breath. “I’m proposing we go back to our respective sides… and I’ll dismantle the first order from within.”

She blinked at him a few times as she tried to process what she was hearing. “ _ What? _ ”

“The Resistance has been weakened, you’re barely clinging to life,” he explained. “No matter what happens, you can’t take the first order down on your own. You need an inside man.”

It took her far too long to realize what he was offering. “You want to become our spy?”

Ben nodded slowly. “I want to end this, and I think with the First Order’s resources and vast reach across the galaxy combined with the Resistance’s ideas, we can achieve some sort of peace. We just need to change it first.” Again, he extended his hand outward to hers, and she found herself staring down at the black leather that made up his gloves. “What do you say?”

Rey’s heart was hammering against her sternum, creating a dramatic rhythm within her chest as her eyes bore holes into his hand. He’d just offered her a viable solution to their problem, to combine the first order and the resistance and use the balance between them to figure out a way to bring order to the galaxy. Yet she still found herself all too hesitant to take it. There were so many things that could go wrong with Ben’s plan. So many ways things could go south for him. A thousand terrible images flashed before her, images of Ben getting found out as a spy and executed, of him being tortured for information… Him being separated from her for an indeterminate amount of time—where the hell had  _ that _ thought come from?

She couldn’t let that happen to him. Not after all they’d been through. 

“I’ll have to think about it,” she said, then she turned back toward the lake, doing her best to ignore the feeling of hurt being projected across their connection. 

“Rey, it works out for both of us, what the hell do you need to think about?”

“It’s risky, Ben. Have you given any thought to what they’ll do to you if they catch you?”

He hadn’t; she could tell from the resignation he was feeling that he had not given any thought to what would become of him if he were discovered. Still he was persistent that this was the right call. “It doesn’t matter what happens to me. I’ve… I've caused so much pain.” His grief suddenly overwhelmed her, and she felt a lump forming in her throat at his words. 

“It does matter, you have people who care about you.”

Ben paused for a moment, then she heard him shuffle in the sand beside her so that he was now standing up. “Just take some time to think it over. We've still got another day.” Then she heard the sound of his footsteps retreating as he walked back to the ship, followed by that of the ramp to their ship lowering a few seconds later. 

Once he was gone, Rey’s head fell into her hands, and while she wasn’t particularly sad, all the frustration she’d felt building up throughout that entire conversation finally came to a head, and she let out a cry of anger. The sound echoed off of the nearby trees, and she had no doubt from the concern that entered the bond that he’d heard it, but she didn’t care. It felt cathartic to scream like that, like she’d gotten at least a small chunk of the weight on her chest off. 

She didn’t feel perfect or even good, but she certainly felt a little better.  

A few seconds later she felt a drop of rain fall from the sky at last, the tiny, wet bulb striking her cheek. Rey reached up her hand to brush the dampness from her face and inspect it, running the clear liquid through her fingers as she waited for more to follow. Sure enough, three more drops weren’t far behind, each one leaving little darkened imprints in her clothes from where they’d hit. 

Looking out over the water, she watched as the rain began to pour a bit more intensely, rippling the near completely smooth surface more and more each time a new drop struck the surface. The soft pattering sound filled her ears, and she closed her eyes as she let the rain wash away the frustration and anger she’d been feeling, and fill her instead with a sense of contentment. 

As the seconds passed, the rainfall grew more and more intense, and a smile grew on her face as she opened her eyes to look up at the dark, grayish purple clouds that covered the sky. Her palms opened up, and she held them out to receive the clean, clear water within them, relishing in the feeling of the rain pooling in the little crevices on her skin. All of her conflicting thoughts and feelings about Ben and his ideas felt far away in that moment, like there was nothing but Rey and the rain and that was all there had ever been.

She then stood up, not caring that her clothes were now thoroughly drenched as she began to walk closer to the water’s edge. When she reached it, she bent down and stripped off her boots, tossing them gently off to the side as she walked into the lake. She didn’t bother rolling up her pant legs, her clothes were already soaked through, though she supposed they’d be sopping wet by the time she stepped out of the lake. She just couldn’t bring herself to give a damn. 

The lake was still as temperate and lovely as it had been the day before, even as the cool rain fell against its surface. It truly was the perfect distraction from her problems, making her feel for the first time in a long time like she was free. 

Rey laughed as the downpour grew more intense, and drops of rain cascaded down her hair, into her face, her eyes, and onto her body, falling down her shirt, her arms, and eventually the ground under the pull of gravity. She spun around as she relished in the feeling, but she stopped abruptly as she realized she was being watched. 

Underneath the shade of their escape craft, Ben was standing there with his arms folded over her chest just observing her, though his eyes drifted quickly to the ground upon realizing he’d been caught. Rey almost laughed as she looked at them, then she motioned around her. “Aren’t you gonna come outside?”

He glanced back up at her. “I think I’ll pass, thanks!”

She did laugh, this time, and from there she could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks. “Why not? The weather’s lovely!” she cried, her voice half sarcastic. 

“You and I have very different definitions for that word,” he said, but he stepped a little closer to the edge of his temporary shelter. 

Rey held out a hand. “Come on, live a little!”

She could feel him thinking about it, considering the idea of joining her in the rain. He mulled over it in his thoughts for a good ten seconds before he finally stepped out from underneath their ship’s shelter, and joined her underneath the cloudy skies. Instantly the rain coated his dark hair, flattening the waves that ran just above his shoulders. 

As Ben approached her, he too stopped to remove his boots before wading into the water with her. She could feel his surprised delight at its warm temperature, and the same feelings of joy as the cool rain washed over him, drenching him as completely as it had soaked her. He glanced over at her then, curiosity in his eyes as he asked, “Now what?”

Rey grinned at him somewhat wickedly, and as Ben’s confusion and worry began to drift into the bond, she bent down toward the water and ran her hand rapidly across the surface. The splash hit him directly in the chest, and he looked up at her completely stunned by her actions for a few seconds. All she did in response was quirk an eyebrow, challenging him to a different sort of duel than the one they’d fought the day before. 

Without even lifting a finger, Ben used the force to retaliate, sending a small wave of water directly at Rey that she only just managed to dodge, leaping out of the way at the last possible second. She gasped as she looked back at Ben, whose face was threatening to break out into a grin that would match the one she’d worn a moment earlier. “Game on,” she said, then all hell broke loose. 

She and Ben chased each other through the shallow water, never straying too far from their beach as they waged their water battle against one another. They were equally ruthless, using a mix of the force and their own hands and feet to throw various quantities of water at the other person, laughter erupting from their mouths throughout. 

At one point she managed to knock him over with a large enough wave of water that he just couldn’t dodge, then as she bent over to help him up, he yanked her hand and pulled her into the water with him. She cried out as she fell, hitting the water with an enormous splash that hopefully coated Ben in retaliation of some sort. Once she recovered, the two of them were quickly back on their feet, and the battle resumed. 

This time she felt pretty certain she was the victor. She’d knocked Ben on his ass far more times than he managed to do the same to her, and while it was impossible to tell who was more soaked, she was fairly certain she’d splashed him more. By the time it was over, they were both thoroughly exhausted and completely and utterly drenched. All Rey wanted to do was go back inside the ship, and take a nap, a thought which Ben managed to beat her to voicing out loud.

“We should get back inside, get some rest,” Ben said, and Rey quickly nodded her assent, but then frowned as a realization dawned upon her. “What is it?”

“We got our clothes soaking wet, Ben,” she observed, looking down at the way their clothes both clung tightly to their bodies. “And I don’t think either of us packed a change.”

“Oh…”

Rey almost laughed as she watched his face go pale, then she looked back at the ship, “We should get inside,” she said, beginning to wade her way out of the water. 

Once they were back on the beach, Rey reached down, and picked up her boots from where she’d casually tossed them aside earlier. Taking one in each hand, she turned them upside down, and drained the water that had begun to pool within them until she was certain it was all gone. Beside her, she heard Ben doing much the same, and she waited until he finished before she resumed her walk back to their ship. 

Ben remained fairly quiet as they boarded, his emotions difficult to read as they walked down the hall. She was about to ask him why, until he stopped just before they reached their bedroom—it wasn’t their bedroom and she needed to stop thinking of it like that—and paused to look at something. “What is it?” she asked, trying to peak over his tall frame to see what he was staring at. 

“Another door,” Ben said, then he reached out, and slid what she’d thought to be just a wall panel open, revealing what appeared to be a wardrobe of sorts, though not a terribly large one. Hanging from the racks were a series of robes in varying shades of red and gold, though there were probably only five or six of them. 

“Did Snoke ever wear actual clothes?” Rey asked, her voice full of disbelief. 

Ben shook his head. “I always saw him wearing a robe. As long as I knew him.” His voice was tinged with anger, sadness, and perhaps a hint of regret as he stared at the robes. Rey rested a sympathetic hand on his arm, one which he covered with a gloved hand of his own as he looked down at her. 

For a few seconds, they held a conversation without saying any words, then Ben turned his attention back on the rack of robes. “Well, we needed a change of clothes,” he said, reaching in, and grabbing one of the crimson robes from the rack.

Again all she could do was blink at him. “What?” she squeaked, nervous at the thought of wearing the former supreme leader’s clothing—and perhaps at the thought of stripping down almost completely in front of Ben. 

The man standing beside her shrugged. “It’s our only option, unless you’d rather stay in those,” he gestured to the soaking wet state of her clothing. 

He was right. She knew he was right, but still she felt a shiver run up her spine as she looked at the robes still available on the rack. Mercifully, it seemed she wasn’t the only one who felt anxiety about this. She could sense Ben’s own nerves were on edge as he looked down at the silk robe in his hand, seeming to regret his decision slightly. 

“Okay,” Rey said after a while, then she, too reached in and pulled out a golden colored robe before looking up at him expectantly. 

“I’ll change in the cockpit,” he told her, stepping back down the hall in that very direction. She felt a twinge of disappointment in her chest, but at what she couldn’t quite tell as she watched him go. 

After he was gone, she stood in the hallway got perhaps a second too long before she walked into the bedroom, and closed the door behind her. Breathing shakily, she leaned against it, no doubt leaving a wet imprint of water upon the door as she looked up at the ceiling trying desperately not to think about what Ben was doing in the cockpit. 

She pushed herself off of the door, and tossed the robe upon the bed before she reached for the leather belt on her waist. Her shaky, still dripping fingers made the task difficult, but eventually she completed it, tossing the belt on the floor before moving onto the gray fabric she’d draped around herself. As that joined the belt on the floor, her hands slowly moved up to the hem of her shirt. Her breathing remained unsteady as she began to lift it over her head; thoughts drifting to the cockpit where she thought about Ben doing much the same, exposing those muscles she’d tried not to think about that morning—that she’d tried not to think about since the first time she’d seen him without his shirt. 

Rey now stood shirtless in the bedroom, continuing to try and fail to not think about Ben doing the exact same thing she was doing. She tried not to think about him as she undid the button on her trousers, as she struggled to slide the damp cloth down her thighs and off of her feet, as she stood in the cold room in only her underthings. She shuddered at the mental image of him in the same state, then struggled to pull her mind off of the path it was going down. She’d confront those feelings about him one day, but this wouldn’t be it. 

Trembling slightly, Rey reached for the robe she’d rested on the bed, and thrust her arms into the sleeves one by one before she began to fiddle with the ties that bound it. Much to her disappointment, the robe cut phenomenally low on her chest, and puddled on the floor around her. This made sense, seeing as it had been made for someone of Snoke’s height and build, but still her cheeks went red at the realization that she’d have to hold the robe together if she wanted to go outside and face Ben before her clothes were dry. 

Outside, she could hear the rain slowing in its downpour, and she looked out the window to see that the rain was indeed stopping, though the sky remained overcast. Perhaps they’d be able to let their clothes dry out there, seeing as there was no good place for them inside. With that idea in mind, Rey bent down and picked up her clothes from the ground, holding them in one hand, and keeping the robe closed over her chest—even though she was wearing a breast band—with the other. 

She then took a moment to collect herself before she slid the bedroom door open, and stepped out of the room walking down the short hallway toward the cockpit. As she drew closer, she couldn’t help but notice that the cockpit door was open, and upon further inspection, Ben didn’t seem to be inside. She called out his name in confusion, but received nothing in response. 

Frowning, she turned and headed back down the hallway, walking past the bedroom to find that the ramp had been lowered, and a faint breeze was now drifting in from the outside. She clutched the robe more tightly around her chest, and slowly began to walk out onto the beach. The smell of smoke entered her nose, and as her bare feet met the sand, she noticed that he’d built another fire in the little pit they’d created, and had laid his clothes out on the sand just beside him. 

Rey approached him nervously, feeling as though her entire body was on fire as she took in the sight of him in Snoke’s crimson robe. He clearly didn’t feel the same way she did about covering up his chest—which should’ve been obvious—allowing her to glimpse a good portion of it as his pale skin shone in the firelight, causing her heart to skip a beat in her chest. His hair had dried somewhat, or at least, he’d tried to get some of the water out, allowing some of the natural waves in his dark locks to reform, framing his face so that he looked like something out of a fairytale. 

Suddenly, she was glad they only had one more day. She wouldn’t be able to last around him much longer. Hell, she wasn’t sure if she’d make it through the hour. 

Ben seemed to notice her warring emotions, and he glanced up at her with darkened irises. Through the bond she could sense he was just as aroused as she was, and not only that, but he was very much aware of this fact. She could only hope he wouldn’t comment on it. 

By the mercy of all the gods one could believe in, he didn’t say anything, though he swallowed nervously, his mouth twitching as he gestured to his clothes. “I don’t know if this’ll work, but I figure it’s better than nothing.”

An anxious laugh escaped Rey as she walked closer, and laid her clothes out beside his before moving to sit on his other side. Both of her hands clutched at the robe now, urging it to stay closed over her chest as she lowered herself to the ground beside him. She could feel his eyes on her the entire time, causing a heat to pool in her gut at the emotions he was projecting with that gaze. Once she was on the ground, she turned to look at him only to find him blushing as he looked away. “Are you alright?” she asked softly. 

He seemed to choke on his words as he spoke. “I- I’m fine,” he said, still looking pointedly at the fire. She watched the light flicker across his face, illuminating the little microexpressions she had begun to notice him making more and more the longer she was with him. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” he turned to glance at her then, and that feeling she was getting in her gut grew more intense as she realized suddenly just how close they were. He cleared his throat. “It’s been a few hours since I told you my plan, I was wondering if you had an answer for me yet.”

Rey froze. In truth, she hadn’t given it much thought. She’d been distracted by their moment in the rain, then by the constant barrage of thoughts of him in varying stages of undress. Still if she were being honest with herself, her only problem with the plan was that it separated him from her. Other than that, she was fine with it, risk and all. With this in mind, she took in a deep breath, and gave him her reply, “Yes. I think you should do it. You can learn things about the first order and report to me whenever we… connect. That way no one can trace anything back to you.”

Suddenly Ben’s hand was on her shoulder, and he was giving her the smallest of smiles. “Thank you.”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“What made you change your mind?” he asked, and she froze. She had really been hoping she wouldn’t have to explain her hesitation to go along with his plan. She’d really,  _ really _ been hoping. 

Her mouth fell open, but no words came out for several seconds as she again became hypnotized by the fire light rippling across his face. 

His voice brought her back to reality a second later. “Rey?”

“Huh?”

“What made you change your mind? You seemed pretty against it earlier.”

“Oh, uh…” she thought for a moment. She couldn’t tell him the truth, if he knew about the real reason why she didn’t want him to go through with his plan he’d know how she felt about him—was starting to feel about him—and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet. But as she looked in his eyes, she sensed that somehow he’d be more than okay with it, perhaps even thrilled. Somehow that thought scared her more. “I didn’t want to see you getting hurt.”

Ben laughed. “Wow, Rey, I didn’t know you cared.”

“Neither did I,” she said, keeping one hand tight on her robe while the other reached down into the sand to begin playing with it again. “But I do care, and I just… Be careful, Ben, please.”

“I will.”

“If something happened to you… I…”

“You what?” he asked, his voice dropping five volume levels until it was almost a whisper, and she could sense the same heat rising within her begin to develop within him. 

“I don’t know what I’d do,” she whispered her response, and now they were definitely too close for comfort. Perhaps even too close to turn back, but from where they’d be turning she wasn’t sure. 

Her eyes fell from his then, and not for the first time she noticed his full lips, which were open ever so slightly as she stared at them. Without thinking, she let go of the robe she was holding shut, and gently reached up to cup his jaw, her thumb skimming his lower lip with the faintest, barely there touch. She could feel his emotions going into overdrive at her touch, and he let out a shuddering breath as her thumb moved away, and rested itself against his cheek. 

“Rey,” he breathed, and at last her eyes looked up to meet his, which had become hooded as they drifted down, fixating on her lips for a moment before going past her face to where the robe had fallen open and exposed the white fabric of her band. She’d thought she’d be embarrassed if he ever saw what she was hiding beneath her robe, that her cheeks would flush the deepest shade of crimson anyone had ever seen. Instead she found herself further aroused, attempting to ignore the ache that had developed between her thighs as Ben’s eyes took her in. 

As if it was moving of its own accord, the hand she had on his cheek began to move back until she was caressing the base of his skull. His hair was soft as her fingers threaded themselves through it, and still a little damp from the rain they’d soaked themselves in, but still felt nice under her touch. At this, Ben locked eyes with her again, and another conversation without words passed between them as they moved closer and closer together. 

Holding her breath, Rey quirked an eyebrow at him, asking him if he was sure. They were only a hair’s breadth apart now, but still far enough that Rey saw him nod before at long last she closed the gap between them, and pressed her lips to his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We may have to up the rating for the next chapter ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well... the rating went up... y'all can guess why. Anyway, this got super long and there's still a bit of story to tell so one more chapter after this and then it's done!

In his twenty nine years of life, Ben had never been kissed. When he was a child, his parents would kiss him goodnight on the forehead or sometimes his cheek, but those had been from family members and were only customary. This kiss, with Rey’s soft lips pressing ever so gently against his was vastly different. This felt like nothing he’d ever known, like he’d finally found what he was looking for after years of searching.

This was everything.

His mouth opened slightly as he kissed her, and she took the opportunity to deepen the kiss as she fisted her hand in his hair, drawing an involuntary moan from him. She smiled into the kiss then, and Ben found himself doing the same as he reached up a hand, and caressed her cheek, comforted by the feeling of her smooth skin beneath his palm. 

Ben’s first kiss was quickly turning out to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. It felt like everything was moving too quickly and too slowly all at once, like a million explosions were going off around him. Her touch was utterly magnetic, and every press of her lips against his sent his heart racing within his chest. A thousand emotions fluttered through the bond on both sides, too many for him to pick just one label for how the whole thing made him feel. All he knew was that he never wanted it to end. 

Unfortunately, his lungs didn’t exactly feel the same way, and a few seconds later Ben pulled away, panting hard as he broke the kiss, his eyes still closed as he processed what had just happened. In front of him, he could hear her doing much the same, and for a few moments they just sat there together with their hands still holding one another tightly as they breathed a little too hard. 

Once his breathing had evened out, Ben opened his eyes and looked into Rey’s as a million questions fluttered in the forefront of his mind. “I… Whoa…” was all he managed to say out loud. 

Rey laughed at him, the sound filling him with a joy he hadn’t felt in a long time before coming to this planet with her. Despite having only spent a few days in her company, she’d already managed to change him so much. Already he was a vastly different person from the man he’d been just days prior, from the man she’d nearly killed in the snow on Starkiller. He wasn’t sure who he was now, but it was something better. Of that much he was certain. 

“Yeah, whoa,” Rey said after a moment, then she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. “Ben, I… I wish we had more time.”

His heart broke a little at the reminder that when the morning came and the sun began to turn the sky pink, they would have to separate and begin their work. After tomorrow, there would be no telling when they’d see each other again, and that had them both aching inside. “We’ll have to make the most of it, then,” he replied.

A grin broke out on Rey’s face as she pulled away from him slightly. “Is that a promise?”

This time the chuckle came from him. “Yes it is,” he said, then he leaned forward, and captured her lips in another kiss. 

Through the bond he could sense Rey’s sheer delight, which he found to be utterly infectious as he wrapped his free arm around her waist, and pulled her onto his lap. His mind went into overdrive when Rey shifted in his lap, temporarily breaking the kiss as she rested her legs on either side of him, then wrapped them around his waist so that she was facing him completely. “Fuck,” he breathed, letting the hand that was cupping her face drift down onto her neck as he took in this new position. 

Rey’s robe had started to become intensely disheveled, almost completely exposing her chest and legs from when she’d changed positions in his lap. Her name left him in a rush of air at the sight, even though she was still covered by her breast band, the lack of clothing adorning them both left him in a state of pleasant shock. He could feel himself starting to grow hard as his dark eyes took in the girl in his lap, but he paid it no mind as he looked back into her eyes, and brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. 

Before he got the chance to say anything, Rey’s fist tightened its grip in his hair and she kissed him again forcefully. Ben didn’t hesitate to return the kiss, growing more used to the feeling of it as time went on and he began to learn exactly what she liked and didn’t like, what made her moan from pleasure and what made her pull away to laugh at him. She seemed to be doing much the same, though he suspected she had a better idea of what she was doing than he did. 

At some point, Rey started to grind herself down on him as the kiss started to become something more. The sensation of it against his now fully hard cock quickly became too much for him, and he broke the kiss, gasping as he pulled away. 

“Are you alright?” Rey asked, and he felt her concern leak into their connection. 

He nodded quickly, “Yeah, I’m fine…” he breathed, then he hesitated before adding, “Rey, I’ve never…”

She looked at him in confusion for a moment, then her eyes widened. “Oh,  _ fuck,  _ Ben, I’m sorry.” Then she began to remove herself from his lap before he placed a hand on her thigh, stopping her movement. 

“No, don’t stop, I just…” He took in a deep breath. “I want to take this slow. I… I want to remember this when we leave tomorrow.”

There was a look of endearment in her eyes as she looked at him, then she pressed another gentle, brief kiss to his lips before she smiled at him. “Then we’ll take it slow,” she promised, resting a hand on his chest and her forehead against his once again. “We have time.”

Ben tightened his grip on her, and for a moment the two of them sat there with her in his lap, listening to the waves gently meeting the shore, and the crackling of the fire. He could feel the heat from the flames against his leg, against the backs of his hands where they held her up in support, and in front of him he could feel Rey’s body heat warming him against the cool breeze drifting in from the lake. 

Above their heads, the sky remained cloudy, though the rain from earlier had yet to show its face again, and he could only hope it wouldn’t return. He thought of their time in the lake earlier, splashing one another viciously as the rain pelted their faces. He’d hardly been able to see, but something about it had made him the happiest he’d been in a long time. As he searched her feelings, he knew she felt the same way, and they’d both be broken come daylight the next day when they had to part. 

“When I come back after this is all over… Will we still have this?” he asked curiously, pulling away slightly so he could look her in the eyes as he thought for the first time about the future. 

“Of course we will,” she whispered, stroking his hair with the hand she’d left at the base of his skull. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

She nodded slowly. “I… I didn’t know it was, but… yes… It is, Ben. I want  _ you. _ ”

He breathed a sigh of relief, then he pulled her back in for another kiss, though this one was much more slow than the others had been. This one felt like they were binding their promise to one another in the most intimate way they knew how, and it felt like peace had finally calmed his warring mind. 

The roar of the fire grew louder behind him, and as he trembled slightly from the intensity of it all, Rey took the lead, gently coaxing him down closer to the sand. Ben quickly took the hint, and supported her weight as he laid her down on the ground, and readjusted himself between her legs as he tried not to press his full body weight into her. This only caused the woman beneath him to laugh as he wound up in a rather awkward position over her, then she shook her head as she pulled him down, adjusting their position until they were flush against one another but not pressed too harshly into the sand. 

Rey stared up at him from this new position, her eyes drinking him in in the firelight. He wondered if she was watching the oranges and yellows make shapes his face in the same way he’d been doing to her. If she was also trying to memorize every contour of his cheekbones and the way his eyebrows furrowed together slightly as he had been doing the entire time she’d been with him by the fire. His breathing shook as he looked into her eyes, into that intense hazel that he’d been thinking about off and on since he’d first laid eyes upon them, and wondered just how in the hell he’d gotten lucky enough to wind up here.

“Rey…”

“I know,” she said, then she pulled him back down to her, and began to trail kisses down the soft line of his jaw onto his neck, making him feel like he might pass out then and there from sheer euphoria. He’d never experienced anything like this in his life; nothing like the almost tingling sensation brought about by the contact of Rey’s lips to his neck as they followed the path of his scar. Another moan escaped him as she stopped moving down, and instead began to suck a bruise into his skin, a reminder for him to carry with him when he left her the next day. 

It was a favor he was fully intent on returning, and soon. For the time being, he let Rey continue her work, leaving a kiss over the undoubtedly purpling skin before she moved back up to his mouth. Ben kissed her thoroughly for a moment, and as he pulled away one of his hands drifted up to where the collar of her robe had been pulled ajar by their various movements. He wasn’t sure what gave him the confidence to do it, or what told him it was the right thing to do, but he began to gently brush the fabric of the robe aside, exposing one of her shoulders and her collarbone. 

The golden robe—that had belonged to Snoke of all people—reflected some of its light onto her skin thanks to the fire, almost giving off the illusion that Rey was glowing, like she was actually made of light as her name suggested. Her curiosity filled the bond then, and she rested a hand on his arm. “What is it?”

“Take off your robe,” he told her, his voice seeming to drop another octave lower as he looked at her from beneath heavily hooded eyes. 

Surprise filled their connection, then mischief, and Ben slowly climbed off of her, sitting back on the sand as he watched her remove the robe. Rey kept her eyes on his as she sat up, and began to undo the tie she’d created at her waist, letting the strings hang loose from the fabric as she reached up, and began to slide the golden material from her shoulders—well, the one shoulder he hadn’t already taken care of—before laying it on the ground behind her. His heart was beating like a hammer against his sternum as he took in the sight of her in only her breast band and underwear, already so thoroughly undressed from their adventure in the rain…

“Come here,” Rey said, interrupting his thoughts, and though his mind was completely scrambled and nonfunctional, Ben hurriedly crawled back over her, resuming the position they’d been in a minute ago before he crashed his lips onto hers, this time eliciting a moan from  _ her _ lips. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, a hand weaving its way into his hair as if it were finding its way back home. 

Each kiss somehow seemed to be more intense than the last, and it felt like they were starting to build to somewhere, but he wasn’t sure exactly where this road ended. He only knew that they were still too close to the beginning. 

A breeze blew past them then, a light, barely present brush of air that stoked the fire beside them slightly. Ben held onto Rey a little bit more tightly as the flames intensified, and the crackling grew louder as the fire twisted in the wind. He felt his hair get caught on the breeze, a few choice strands waving in the wind as it made its way toward the trees on the far side of the beach. 

Beneath him, she shivered from the sudden cold, and he pulled away a little to make sure she was alright. “Are you okay?” he asked as she continued to shake beneath him. 

She nodded. “I’m fine, just a bit cold,” she admitted, then Ben frowned and took a moment to think before an idea came to him. 

Grunting quietly, Ben pushed himself off of Rey, trying his best to ignore her groan at the loss of contact, then he began to tug at the ties binding  _ his _ robe. He could feel her arousal growing in the bond, and he smirked openly at the thought that he’d been able to do that to her just by  _ starting  _ to take off his robe. It took him a few more seconds, but eventually he managed to undo the tight knot he’d created not twenty minutes prior, and he was sliding the fabric down the lengths of his long arms. Now he was just as undressed as she was, and they were even.,

He could feel Rey’s eyes on him the entire time. The heat in her gaze warmed him more effectively than that of the fire ever could, and again he struggled to focus as he settled himself on top of her again, and covered their bodies in the robe’s vast amount of silky crimson. Once they were back where they started, he brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, and quirked an eyebrow. “Better?”

She seemed to struggle to find her voice for a minute. “Much,” she said in response, her voice barely a whisper as she looked up at him, her eyes drifting down from his face to his body. For a moment he felt self conscious, wondering if she even liked what she saw, but if the grin developing on her lips was anything to go by, he had nothing to worry about. 

“Ben, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Do  _ you _ want to?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then so do I,” he replied, then he rejoined their lips in another kiss before mimicking what she’d done to him earlier, trailing kisses down her neck. Rey gasped beneath him, her arms unfolding around his neck so that her hands could grasp his shoulders while he worked his way down to her collar bone, where he proceeded to leave a mark on her just as she’d left on him. 

She was shaking as she held him, though this time he could sense it had nothing to do with the cold, and he pulled away to admire his work, watching the red and purple bruise make its presence known on her tanned skin. He could feel her watching him as he reached up a hand, and ran a finger over the mark, feeling a sense of pride at what he’d accomplished. The action caused his hand to be rather close to her breast, and just as a feeling of awkwardness began to settle over him and into their connection, Rey grabbed his wrist, and pressed his palm flush against her chest.  

Ben’s eyes widened slightly as they met hers, then she gave him a nod, and his fingers began to find their grip beneath the fabric of her breast band, which was still damp from their fight in the rain. “We really should’ve thought this plan through before we ran away,” he muttered as his fingers began to search for the place she’d secured it so he could remove the damned thing. 

Another round of sweet laughter left her. “I don’t know, I think I’m rather liking how things turned out.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said, then she, too began fumbling around for the edge of the band’s fabric. “Now help me get this blasted thing off.”

Ben snickered under his breath at her words as he finally found where she’d secured the band, and began to unwrap the fabric binding her chest. He could feel all traces of humor leave Rey as he lifted her up slightly to complete his task, holding her gaze in his own until he finished, and set the band fabric down in the sand beside him before he let his eyes wander down to her now bared breasts. 

Cursing under his breath, Ben took in the sight of her newly visible skin in the firelight, watching the shadows dance across the rounded peaks and her hardened nipples as if he were hypnotized. As he looked over her half naked form for the first time, he suddenly felt frozen, anxious. He had no idea what the hell he was doing, no idea if she’d enjoy it or if he’d be good at it. His thoughts began to spiral into a nervous tailspin, when Rey—sensing his anxiety—yanked his chin up and force him to look into her eyes. 

The crackling of the fire grew louder and louder as a silence passed between them, and Rey projected her calm into the bond, soothing the fear that had risen within him. “Don’t be afraid,” she told him, smirking slightly as her voice grew deeper, “I feel it, too.”

Any trace of anxiety he’d had left him then in a rush of air. “Holy shit.” Now he was the one who was trembling as she released his chin, and took one of his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. Ben’s mind went into a frenzy then, and as his lips crashed back onto hers, he felt her hand guide his back up to her breast, her fingers covering his as she instructed him without words on what to do. She led his thumb over the peak of a nipple, the skin somehow soft and hard at the same time beneath the pad of his finger. 

The erection developing between his legs became increasingly hard to ignore as time went on, and almost absentmindedly Ben began to grind his hips against hers, seeking some sort of friction—some sort of  _ relief _ —against her as she proved herself an effective teacher. Through the bond he could feel the sense of overwhelmingly intense pleasure washing over them both, and again his mouth wandered from hers, though this time he didn’t stop at her neck, or her collar bone. 

Ben gently removed his and Rey’s hands, then he rested it on her hip as he shifted backwards, and began to press kisses along the sides of her breast, occasionally looking up at her as he sought approval. Her soft little moans were more than enough guarantee that he was doing the right thing, and Ben proceeded to take her nipple into his mouth, running his tongue over the subtle edges there. The cry emitted from her lips vibrated throughout her upper body, and Ben felt it beneath his lips as he continued his ministrations. 

Rey’s hands latched themselves into his hair, gripping perhaps a little too tightly—which was quickly remedied when she no doubt felt his pain through the connection—as she called out his name. He felt his cock twitch in his underwear at the sound, but he carried on in his actions. Somehow he got the feeling that getting her to say his name was better than any pleasure he could gain himself. 

A few feet away, the fire roared in his ears as his hands found the band of her own underthings, and began to slowly pull them down over the swell of her ass. Rey lifted her hips to allow him access, which forced him to remove himself from her breast as he began to peel them off of her. His hands trembled slightly as he moved off of her, and pulled her underwear down her thighs, her calves, and then she kicked them off her feet before he took the chance to look over her, now completely bare of any clothing before him. 

“Fuck, Rey…” he whispered, crawling back over her as he stared at the apex of her thighs, again mesmerized by the way she looked in the firelight, which was growing brighter as the daylight began to escape them. Again he was almost overtaken by nervousness, unsure of how to proceed from there, when Rey reached up, and took his hand, leading him back down into the position they’d been in before. He calmed down some once he was again settled between her legs, though this time he could feel a slightly damp spot just over his cock through the fabric of his underwear. This woman was going to be the death of him, he was certain. 

“Just follow my lead,” she whispered, then she pressed her lips to his, and began to guide his hand between her legs, letting it rest on her lower thigh as she slowly began to drag it down. 

He wasn’t sure how, but through their bond he suddenly caught on to what she was trying to do, and he briefly broke the kiss to assure her he could take it from there. She looked at him apprehensively for a moment, then he gave her a nod, and she pulled him back in for another kiss as his fingers skimmed further and further up the inside of her thigh. 

Her breath hitched into the kiss as his fingers reached the apex of her thighs, his thumb circling the little nub there that had her crying out into him, breaking away from his lips to press kisses along his jaw now, leading up to his ear before she whispered, “You're a fast learner."

Another smirk was thrown her way, a burst of confidence filling him at her observation. “I’m just getting started, sweetheart,” he assured her as one of his fingers slipped inside of her, and she let out a noise that was a mixture of a laugh and a moan, and may have been one of the sexiest things he’d ever heard. He silenced it with a kiss, his lips dragging roughly against hers as his finger nudged in and out of her. 

After a moment, an idea popped into his mind that he wasn’t sure was entirely his own, and he slowly pulled his hand away from her, which caused her to let out a groan of disappointment, but then he laughed softly, “It's like I said, Rey, I'm just getting started."

Rey's eyes darkened as she looked at him. "Do you even know what you're doing?" Definitely not. He was in all likelihood going to fail epically at the thing he was about to attempt, but he was fairly certain the thought had not come from him, and somehow it had been hers—transmitted to him through the bond they shared. If that was what she wanted, though, he’d certainly be open to trying it, even if it would be the most awkward thing he ever did in his life. 

Ben shook his head. "No, but you're a good teacher," he said, then he crawled backwards so that he was now looking up at her from between her legs, and began to press kisses along the inside of her thighs. Rey’s hands remained firmly locked into his hair as he inched further and further up, and when he finally went down on her, she gasped audibly, and the bond sparked from her pleasure.

Her fingers clenched his hair perhaps a bit too tightly as she cried out. She was already wet, that much he knew, and she tasted unexpectedly sweet on his tongue as he licked up her slit, drinking her in like a man starved.

“Never stop doing that,” she told him, her breath coming out in short, sharp shocks, “Fuck, Ben."

Any sense of awkwardness he'd had going into this slowly began to melt away as Rey cried out from his movements. The way she reacted to him had him feeling alive, like every moment of the last six years had been worth it if it had led him to this. Slowly, he forgot about Snoke, his father, the war, all of it. Everything that had been plaguing him for the last several years of his life had suddenly happened to someone else as his brain focused on the sole, wonderful task of pleasuring Rey.

Ben’s right hand gripped her waist firmly as he sucked on her clit, knowing as the minutes went by that she was getting close. He could hear her panting heavily as she continued to grip his hair in her hands, swearing and crying out every few seconds in babbles that became increasingly incoherent.

Rey’s back arched as he brought her closer and closer to her climax, one hand gently reaching down to caress his cheek as she warned him she was close. This only earned her a hum of acknowledgement that sent her over the edge as her orgasm came over her in waves. She swore loudly enough that he was sure the entire galaxy could hear her, but he didn’t care as he kept going—earning him more enthusiastic shouts as she came into his mouth. 

As she came down from her high, Ben’s fingers gently coaxed her through the aftershocks, and though he was shaking he managed to crawl back over her, settling himself once more between her legs. Their eyes locked as one of his hands found her face again, cupping her jaw as he pulled her in for a searing kiss. 

He could still taste her on his tongue as he kissed her more forcefully than he had previously, which she didn’t seem to mind if the way she returned the kiss was any indication. Before Ben could even think, Rey broke the kiss and twisted her hip, and rolled them over so that he was now the one on his back. By the mercy of the force, they managed not to slip off of the robe they’d laid out beneath them onto the white sands. The same could not be said for the other robe, which fell off to the side somewhere. 

From this new angle, he was able to take in the sight of her straddling his hips looking thoroughly flushed. Her hair was an absolute mess, and it was a fair mixture of still damp and completely mussed from her writhing beneath him as he went down on her. Her cheeks were a shade of peachy red that was only enhanced by the orange light of the fire, and the redness spread down onto her smooth stomach. Without giving it much thought, Ben’s hand snaked up the outside of her thigh, and traced up the smooth planes of her abdomen, feeling the tight muscles beneath her skin before he again found her breast, and looked up at her dazedly.

Rey bent down as his hand continued its way up until he was the one holding onto the base of her skull, his fingers weaving a web in her hair as she came back down to him, and kissed him again just as desperately as she had a moment prior. Her kisses then began to trail back down onto his neck, and she sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to let you leave tomorrow,” she said between kisses, planting another one just under his jaw. “Now that you’ve done that.”

“When I come back, I’ll do it every day.”

“Every day?”

“Every day.”

“Is that a promise?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow at him as she pulled away. 

Ben smiled up at her as he reached up with his free hand, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s a promise,” he said, then he pulled her back in, wondering if she could taste herself on his tongue as he kissed her. Through the bond, he felt an almost overwhelming sense of pure joy and contentment. He wasn’t entirely sure which of them was doing it; he only knew that he never wanted it to end. Why the hell had they only agreed to three days?

She immediately sensed the sorrow this last thought brought him, and she pulled away with a sigh as she pressed her forehead against his. “I wish we had more time,” she murmured softly. 

“We’ve already been away from the fighting long enough,” Ben reasoned, both to himself and to her. “People are probably wondering where we’ve been.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. Still, I just…” she paused. “Ben, when it’s all over, let’s come back here. I want to spend the time with you I didn’t get to have. We wasted too much of the last two days pretending not to care.”

He thought over her proposition for a moment, then as she pulled away from him slightly, he gave her a quick nod. “I like that plan.”

“Me too, but meanwhile…” she was smirking again, the look on her face rivaling any Solo grin he’d ever seen. “We still have unfinished business. You took care of me…” She began to press kisses to his neck again, her fingers fumbling for the waistband of his underwear. “Now let me help you.”

“You’re trying to kill me. I’m convinced,” he said as she began to remove the offending fabric, but this only caused her to pull back and wink at him before continuing her work on his neck, trailing kisses along the scar she’d left him in a manner which left him completely shell shocked beneath her. Ben lifted his hips for her, feeling a sense of nervousness wash over him as Rey slid the fabric down over his legs, eyes widening slightly as she took in the sight of his cock. Their connection was awash with the nervous energy from them both as she set them down next to where her own underthings had wound up, and proceeded to lay by his side, her eyes drifting up to his. “Is something wrong?” he asked worriedly. 

She shook her head adamantly. “No, no, force, Ben, it’s just… It’s been a long time since I’ve done this,” she replied, biting her lower lip as contemplation drifted into the bond. 

In a sudden burst of confidence, Ben’s hand came up, and he gently cupped her jaw. “Well, I’ve never done it, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Not really… I just... I want this to be...” She trailed off, her mouth still open as she waited for the end of the sentence to come to her, but it never came. 

“Rey, I trust you,” he said, using his free hand to take one of hers. “It’ll be okay.”

Another wave of mischief filled them both, and Rey pressed a kiss to his lips briefly before she sat up, and straddled his thighs before she reached down, and took his already hard cock in her hands. Ben’s breathing shook as her hand began to move, mimicking a gesture he’d only ever done himself in the dark of the night when he had naught but his own company. He gasped openly as she shifted forward, once again straddling his hips before she began to lower herself onto him, the wet heat between her legs making him certain that this woman would be the death of him as she took him inch by inch. 

Her own breathing grew uneven as she sank down onto him, and Ben’s hands came up to support her hips as she took him nearly to the hilt. He could feel her stretching around him, accommodating him, but still a twinge of pain entered the bond. She held up a hand before he could ask her if she was alright, then gave him a nod, and rested a hand on his chest as they sat there staring at one another.

After a few minutes, Rey leaned down, and whispered in his ear, “Move with me,” then she sat up, and before he got the chance to ask her what she meant, she slowly began to do exactly as she’d said. Rey rode him slowly at first, giving both of them a moment to get used to the feeling. Ben slowly followed her into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around her waist to support her as she began to ride him, slowly at first, but then she picked up the pace, causing his mind to shut down as he felt waves of pleasure from them both flood the connection. 

“Shit, Rey…” he breathed as she moved over him, and he held onto her like she was the only thing keeping him upright—and truthfully, she was. She gasped as she moved over him, one of her hands clutching tightly into his hair as she had minutes earlier, but Ben hardly noticed the slight pain from her grip as he lost himself to the feeling of being inside of her, and wondered how in the hell he’d gotten lucky enough to end up here. 

Their first meeting had definitely not gone well. She’d tried to shoot him, for one thing, he’d kidnapped her, for another, and that day had ended with her scarring his face with the wrong end of a lightsaber. If someone had told him that after that he’d be doing this with her on a beach— _ on his master’s robe of all things _ —he would’ve probably—well, if he were being honest—force choked them and accused them of lying. Yet he had no doubt that even the Ben— _ Kylo Ren _ — from days ago would’ve been unable to find anything but unyielding joy from the way she rocked against him, the way she moved on him, and the little whimpering cries and swears that left both their lips as they held each other. 

It was an impossibility, and yet it was his reality. Rey’s lips crashed onto his as she grinded down forcefully onto him, launching him back into reality as he began to feel himself reaching his peak. He returned her kiss with fervor, and she hummed into it as she continued to fuck him like they wouldn’t see tomorrow. Still he began to lose focus on their kisses, becoming sloppy as time went on and she built him closer and closer to his orgasm. 

Eventually, he forced himself to break the kiss, causing her to groan softly. “Rey, I’m close,” he warned her, then her eyes darkened like the smoke rising from their fire. The sky above them had progressively gotten even more dark, causing new shadows to form across her face, enhancing the heat in her gaze as she began to move a little more slowly against him, drawing out the passionate moment they’d created by the fireside. 

“Me too,” she whispered, and he nearly came then and there from the sound of her voice. Still, he felt compelled to wait for her to finish, and it wasn’t until he felt her fluttering around him that he let himself go, coming inside of her with a cry of her name as the fire roared loudly in his ears. 

He heard her breathing hitch as she continued to ride him while they came together, and Ben buried his face in her shoulder as he came down from his high. A million thoughts wandered through his mind, but he couldn’t make sense of a single one as he held her tightly in his arms, feeling her continue to spasm around his cock. He was fairly certain they were both trembling--and not just from their orgasms either--as they clutched one another tightly from the immense amount of emotions wandering through their bond. It was all so much—too much—for him to bear, and he felt his eyes watering as he pulled away from Rey’s shoulder to find her cheeks already stained with tears. 

Blinking, he released a single tear onto his cheek as he reached up gingerly to wipe away hers. She was quick to return the action, then she pressed a kiss to his cheek, right over where she’d scarred him the first time they’d fought. She really was trying to kill him, wasn’t she? 

“Rey…” he breathed, but he didn’t get another word out before she kissed him again. 

As Ben returned the kiss, his mind worked on committing every detail of her to memory. After all, he didn’t know when he’d see her again after tomorrow. He imprinted the feeling of her lips—soft, but slightly chapped from years in the desert— her skin, her hair—soft, silky, and smelling of the sun—beneath his fingertips, and the tight but gentle way she held him. Through their connection, he could sense her doing the same; memorizing, making note of everything about one another  as if they wouldn’t see eachother again. For all he knew, they wouldn’t, and this would be the only night they ever got to spend together. 

If that was all they were getting, though, he considered himself lucky. It was more than a lot of people got. 

After a while, Rey pulled away, and slowly rolled off of him, allowing the cool breeze to wash over the skin she’d kept warm. He shivered as the cold air came in contact with him, noticing that Rey did the same, though she seemed to be one step ahead of him as she grabbed his discarded, golden robe, and laid down beside him. She shook out the sand before she spread it out over their bodies, and slung an arm over his waist.

Ben shifted so that his arm was wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her close, then he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head as he thought of what to say in the aftermath of what they’d done. The bond was full of serenity as they sat in silence, listening to the fire crackle and the breeze rustling the trees around them as Ben realized that perhaps they weren’t meant to speak in that moment. 

Rey’s hand came up from his waist, and she rested her palm against his chest, allowing him to feel his own pulse beating against her. After a moment, she began to trace circles into the contours of his sternum, the motions soothing him as he closed his eyes, and let himself believe for a moment that the rest of the universe didn’t exist. It was just him, her, and the fire, and that was how it would be for an eternity to come.

“Ben?” Rey’s voice asked softly, harmonizing with the sound of the waves brushing the shore.

His eyes opened, and drifted over to look at her. “Hmm?” 

Her mouth opened and closed a few times. “I…”

This time, it was his turn to use his father’s most classic line--which he claimed “worked every time” whenever he told Ben how he and his mother had fallen in love-- “I know,” he said, then he pressed his lips gently against her forehead, promising himself internally to tell her how he really felt when they ended the war, when there was no longer any threat over their heads and thus no external pressure to say those words. Though he was absolutely and utterly terrified of what was to come next, that evening as the last of the sun’s rays disappeared beneath the overcast horizon, Ben found himself looking forward to the future. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the chapter count went up again. Oops. But the fic is complete I just have to edit the epilogue and post it. I'll probably do that when I get home in a few hours. Anyway, this is the last regular chapter, so thanks to everyone who stuck around reading this. Anyway, I'm sorry for all the angst.

It all felt like it was almost too much for Rey. The fire roared in her ears as she snuggled up beside Ben with Snoke’s surprisingly warm crimson robe wrapped around them, which protected them against the breeze drifting in from the lake. Well, that, the fire’s warmth, and Ben’s own body heat were more than enough of a shield from the cold. 

The sun had finally gone down a few minutes ago, leaving the sky completely pitch black above them as the last traces of the rainstorm that had started this all began to drift away. A few white and blue stars began to make themselves known above them, and she found herself almost hypnotized by the sight as she looked up at the sky, wondering where the Resistance had gone off to now. 

Ben’s fingers began to trace circles in the bones of her spine, and she hummed softly at his touch, turning her head to look up at his face only to find he was already looking down at her. “Hi,” she whispered softly, turning again to press a gentle kiss on his chest before looking back up at him. His heart beat a little faster beneath her palm, his delight and mild anxiety washing into the bond as he searched his brain for the proper response. 

“Hi,” he said, then his other hand came up to cup her cheek, and he brought his lips to her forehead. He left them there for a moment, and she closed her eyes as he kissed her, losing herself in the feeling of being close to him. After all, they’d be separated by the end of the day tomorrow. 

That thought had her holding him a bit more tightly, trying to get herself to just simply enjoy the aftermath of their love making as they laid together by the fire. Neither one of them had even given any thought to moving, putting clothes on, or heading back into Snoke’s escape craft. Both of them had fallen into a lull of sorts, but a pleasant one. It felt like Rey was floating on a cloud, like she was unstoppable, and like this feeling would never end. Oh, how she dreaded the events of the next day. 

Ben pulled away from her forehead, and stroked the skin of her cheek with his thumb. “I think this may have been the best day of my life.”

“The best one? Really?” she asked, her voice filled with surprise. Surely there had been better things that had happened to him than lying on this beach with her, she doubted she was so wonderful as to become the peak moment of someone’s life. 

As if sensing her self-doubt, Ben shook his head. “No, it was,” he assured her. “After all that hell, all those years of Snoke in my head, you finally set me free. You… you made me feel like a person again, Rey.”

Her breath caught in her throat at his words. No one had ever told her something like that before; never directed such a praise in her direction. For a moment, she thought she must’ve hallucinated his statement, but then it hit her that he had in fact said exactly what she thought he’d said, and her heart skipped a beat in her chest. “Ben,  _ you _ killed Snoke. You set yourself free,” she protested. “I had nothing to do with it.”

“But you gave me the strength to do it. Your words by the fire, you coming out there, knowing it was possible that you’d be killed to try and save me… Thank you.”

She smiled kindly up at him. “I’d do it again. A thousand times over.” Ben’s eyes grew misty then, and she felt a sense of sorrow and pure joy wash into the bond. 

Wiping away the tear that began to streak its way down his cheek, Rey sighed. “I can’t wait till this is over.” She felt his confusion enter the bond, then she laughed. “I meant the war, Ben. Not this. This is… This is perfect.”

Relief filled the connection then, and Ben shifted his hand from where it cupped her cheek to tilt her chin up as he leaned down and kissed her lips so gently she almost didn’t feel it. He followed that kiss with another, much deeper one, claiming her mouth with his as if he’d never let it go. 

Rey moaned softly into the kiss, and felt Ben’s arousal spike through the bond a second later at the sound, causing her to feel a sense of pride that she had that effect on him. As the minutes passed, they settled into a comfortable pattern, the kiss never developing the heat that the previous ones had, but still bringing her that same sense of euphoria as the first. The kisses were almost pure, but each one carried the promise of another, the promise that as long as she lived, she’d never go without them again. 

The breeze shifted then, interrupting their kiss as the smell of smoke filled their noses, and Rey pulled away from the kiss to cough into the open air. “I think that’s a sign we should move.”

Beside her, Ben had also started to cough. “I think you might be right,” he said, then he groaned as Rey moved off of him, gathering her robe in her hands. Another groan left him as he watched her put it back on, sliding her arms through the slightly too large holes before she reached out a hand to help him up. Ben looked at her hesitantly, seeming to share her feelings about leaving their comfortable position on the beach. 

After a few seconds of inhaling more smoke, Ben reached beneath himself, and gripped the robe she’d shed in his hands, seeming further aroused by the sight of her in the robe he’d been wearing as he took her hand, and stood up as he put on the robe. “I wish we could stay here.”

Rey shrugged as she began to lead him back to the ship, cavalierly putting out their fire with a wave of her hand as they approached their stolen craft. “I don’t know, it’s warmer in there, Ben… And there’s a bed, which I’d argue is better suited for us to… How did you phrase it? Blow off some steam?”

She watched Ben’s mouth drop into an O, and his cheeks flushed in the dim light of dusk. “I was offering to spar, Rey. Not…” He gestured behind them to the smoldering remains of their fire, where their clothes were still resting by its side, still drying in the open air. 

A stupidly wide grin erupted on her face as he grew increasingly flustered. “I know, Ben. I was just teasing.”

“But now I understand why you’d take it that way,” he said with a laugh. “That was… amazing.”

She joined him in his laughter as she pressed the button that would lower the ramp. As it lowered to the ground, she sighed happily. “Yeah… It was. I loved it.”

“Yeah,” he said smirking. “I could tell.”

“Oh, you’ve got an awful lot of confidence in yourself for a rookie,” she replied, giggling as he quirked an eyebrow at her, and mischief filled the bond. 

“You seemed to like my confidence a few minutes ago.”

“Hmm… I don’t know… Perhaps we need to try again, just so I can be sure.”

Ben’s laughter again filled the air—a sound that was truly infectious— as the ramp at last reached the ground, and the two of them walked inside of the ship, only barely making it to the bedroom before Rey was on him again, and the two of them collapsed onto the mattress. 

The next morning, Rey woke up to the sun rising through the window, and a feeling of serenity. She hummed into the hard planes of Ben’s chest as she held him close to her, pressing her still naked form against his as memories of the night before came flooding back to her. 

If she closed her eyes, she could feel the ghosts of Ben’s hands sweeping over her body, holding her tightly as he rocked into her, or in the aftermath when he held her—much like he was doing now as one of his arms wrapped around her shoulder. She could still recall vividly the sound of his cries, his shouts as he reached his peak, as he came calling out her name into the skin of her neck— the roar of the fire as it burned like background music during their first time. 

She could still see the shadows created in his face by the fire, the nervousness in his features as he anticipated what would happen next, the sight of him going down on her, causing her to moan into the open air of their beach. Then later when they reached the bedroom, and she returned the favor, causing him to be the one writhing under her lips. 

It amazed her how well she had committed these things to memory. When they’d been happening, she’d felt like she was in a haze, like it couldn’t possibly have been real. If the ache between her legs and the lack of clothing on the man lying beside her were anything to go by, however, they were indeed real, and it wasn’t all just a really good dream. 

Rey’s eyes drifted up, then, watching Ben’s face as he slept. In his sleep he seemed more peaceful than she’d ever seen him. Even during the last three days as she’d been watching the conflict cease to create worried creases in the lines of his face, he’d never looked as tranquil as he did in this moment, his unconscious state on display for only her eyes to see. A strand of hair had drifted into his face in his sleep, blocking out a majority of the left side, but somehow the image it created fit him perfectly. 

An ache began to develop in her chest as she realized that they were truly out of time. Within hours they’d part, and she’d signal Chewie while he flew out to find the remnants of the first order. She still hadn’t thought of exactly what she’d tell the resistance about her absence. Perhaps she’d tell them that the encounter with Ben—she’d have to force herself to call him  _ Kylo Ren _ in public—had left her so shaken she needed a few days to recover. Or perhaps she could tell them the truth. No, she couldn’t do that. It’d risk Ben’s cover, and she couldn’t risk him getting killed. 

Not before they got to be together properly, and preferably not at all. 

She’d tell Leia in private, she determined. She’d tell her everything except for what had gone down the previous evening on the beach. Her cheeks flushed at the thought of facing the General again after she’d deflowered her son. Coming back to base was going to be at least a little bit awkward. 

Already she could picture it like it was unfolding before her eyes. She could see the general smiling at her as she walked off the Falcon, arms outstretched to embrace Rey as she returned from her three day mission to save her son. She could hear Leia’s voice as she asked her, “where’ve you been?” And, “What happened?”

She could hear her own reply, “Oh, I’ve just been fucking your son, General, nothing interesting to report.” Then the General’s face would blanch as the realization settled in, and Rey would have to journey to another galaxy. 

Beneath her cheek, she felt Ben begin to stir into wakefulness, his breathing picking up its pace as his body began to twitch. She felt him stretch himself awake, straightening out the arm he had wrapped around her as he groaned. She smiled as she watched his eyes flutter awake. “Good morning,” she said quietly, her own voice mired by sleep. 

“Morning,” he replied, his voice sounding mildly croaked before he cleared his throat. “That was rough, let me try again.” She began to giggle helplessly even though his voice was now much more smooth than it had been seconds ago. “ _ Morning, _ ” he repeated, and she patted him lightly on the chest. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, Ben.”

“Not trying to,” he replied, then his eyes drifted down to meet hers. A sense of dread and knowing hit them both then, she felt it. Now that they were both awake they were all too aware of what lay ahead, of what they both knew they must do. Still it didn’t make the thought of leaving him for an indeterminate amount of time hurt any less, not now that they’d known each other in the most intimate way two people could. 

With his free hand, Ben reached up and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, dragging them down onto her neck ever so gently. His eyes followed his hand down to her chest, his palm resting just above her heart as he felt it beating within her rib cage. Her breath hitched as he made contact with her skin, the warm heat coming from him shooting straight down between her legs. “What are you doing?”

“I want to remember this,” he said quietly, his eyes still not meeting hers, though the arm he had wrapped around her pulled her a little closer to him. “I want to be able to look back while I’m gone, and think of you exactly like this when it gets tough.”

“Ben…”

His eyes drifted up to her lips, a smirk forming on his face as he stared at them. “I want to remember these,” he whispered, then for the first time that morning, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his own, causing her to moan into the kiss. Rey’s hand lifted from his chest, winding itself behind his neck to grip his hair committing him to memory as he did the same to her. 

Too soon, Ben pulled away from her, and began to press his lips along the line of her firm jaw as he continued his sentiments. “And this… and…” his lips closed around a point on her neck, sucking another mark into her skin as she whimpered beneath him, “... that…” 

His name fell from her lips again as he continued due south, and she rolled onto her back as his mouth found her breast, taking her nipple inside with a swirl of his tongue that had her humming beneath him. “Is there anything else…” she said between flicks of his tongue, “You want to remember?”

A smirk blossomed on his face, one she’d never grow tired of seeing as his mouth released her nipple, and he pressed kisses down the lines of her abdominal muscles. “There’s a lot more I want to remember,” he said, though his voice trembled slightly, causing the lump in her throat to swell at the reminder of what would happen in mere hours. 

She closed her eyes as she felt tears prickle at the rim of her eyelid, looking away from him so he wouldn’t see the sorrow developing on her face. Ben could definitely feel it, though, and he stopped his slow descent on her body to bring himself up between her legs, resting his weight gently over her. His hand reached up to brush her hair behind her ear, then without saying anything else, he kissed her again like it was the first time. His lips gently parted hers, his tongue exploring her mouth like he’d never done it before— _ memorizing her _ . 

The tears fell onto Rey’s cheeks as he kissed her, and soon his mixed with hers on her already damp cheeks as he too began to feel the weight of their decision sink into him. They had to do it, she reminded herself. It was the best way to bring peace to the galaxy. The best way to end things as quickly as possible and ensure the first order as it was didn’t have complete control over everything. 

And it wasn’t like they weren’t going to see one another again any time soon. They had the bond, the one good thing Snoke had left them with that would allow them to talk, to see one another, to  _ touch _ —and Rey shuddered at the possibilities that thought opened up—across the vast expanse of space. They would survive this. They’d make it through and on the other side, what they’d started on the beach on this unknown planet would still be waiting for them when they were finished. With that in mind, she felt herself become again at ease, and she melted into his kiss, letting it intensify into what he’d promised to remember just seconds prior. 

As the light from the still overcast sky outside poured in, they spent what little time they had working on properly memorizing one another. While Rey was fairly certain she’d never forget what it was like to lie with Ben, she still wasn’t going to chance not memorizing every single detail in the way he moved within her, the way he touched her, kissed her, and held onto her as they made love in their stolen bed. 

An hour later, they were once again sitting out in front of the fire with their latest breakfast, clothed for the first time since they’d removed their robes the night before. They’d wrapped Snoke’s robes around them when they left the ship, and changed back into their newly dried clothes on the beach. It had taken seeral minutes of shaking them to get all the sand out, and even then she was still fairly certain it wasn’t all gone. 

This was confirmed when Rey itched a spot on her back as she ate her fish, feeling sand fall from the fabric as she winced. It’d be weeks before she got all traces of the beach out of her clothing, and while she didn’t mind the sentiment that carried, it made her uncomfortable while she still wore them. It occurred to her that leaving their clothes out on the sand, where the breeze could carry more white grains over them had been a bad idea. 

“You have sand in your clothes, too?” Ben asked, his speech slightly garbled by the mouthful of food he had. 

She giggled at the sound.  “Yeah, quite a lot. Don’t think I’ll ever get it out.”

“It may have been a mistake to dry them on the beach.”

“You may be right,” she said, then the two of them burst into another shared round of laughter as they continued sharing their meal, letting their small fire burn as the sun began to rise up to its peak behind the clouds. 

After a while, Ben chucked the remains of his food into the flames, and looked at her quizzically. She furrowed her eyebrows in response. “What?”

“Did you ever think when we first met that you’d ever end up here?”

She laughed as she shook her head. “No, my first thought was, ‘why can’t I shoot this arsehole, he’s pissing me off?’” she said, then Ben flicked a tiny, lingering piece of meat from his fingers at her. Rey winked at him as he glowered playfully, then she sighed. “But in all seriousness, I never could have predicted it. The way we met…”

By the way things had unfolded in the forest on Takodana, they never should have wound up here. But somehow they’d beaten the odds, and two lonely people powered by opposite sides of the force had somehow forged a connection—beyond what Snoke had bridged between their minds—of love, friendship, and understanding. Ben knew all of her past and she knew his, and like he’d asked on board the Supremacy, they could now let the past die. They’d leave it behind on this very beach. 

“Rey?”

“Hmm…?”

He paused for a moment, then he leaned over, and kissed her on the cheek. “Nothing,” he said, then he looked out at the lake, which was a much darker blue beneath the overcast skies. “Um… Have you decided who you’re going to tell in the resistance? About our plan?”

She nodded. “I’m keeping it to a few people. Just Finn and your mother for now… And  _ that’s _ a conversation I”m looking forward to,” she said sarcastically, still a little anxious about the thought of facing Leia again after what she’d done with her son. 

Ben winced, though she suspected for more reasons than one if the grief and anxiety drifting through the bond were anything to go by. He didn’t voice those out loud, though, instead he opted to respond to the concern regarding his mother that she had voiced. “I imagine it’ll be awkward telling my mother we...”

“She will never find out,” Rey promised, then she took in a deep breath. “Not about that, at least, but perhaps after a while she can know we’re…” She gestured between them. “Whatever we are.”

“Something.”

“Yeah, something,” she replied, her voice distant as she chucked the remnants of her food into the fire, and sighed as she leaned against him. “I hope we get the chance to find out.”

“We will.” Ben kissed the top of her head as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. “I don’t care what happens. I’ll find my way back to you, I promise. Nothing will stop me.” 

At his words, Rey turned into his embrace, throwing both of her arms around his waist as she held him more tightly than she ever had. She’d become increasingly aware that their time was limited as it went on, and by the time she woke up that morning she thought she’d accepted it and was content with her fate—or as content as it was possible for her to be—but she wasn’t. She most certainly wasn’t, and as reality came crashing in around them, a mutual sense of sorrow came through the bond as it hit them just how far apart they might be. 

Burying her face in the crook of Ben’s neck, she felt the lump in her throat begin to burst outward, and it took all of her strength not to sob as tears spilled onto her cheeks and his skin. She had no doubt he could feel them, but there wasn’t much she could hide from him anymore with the way they were linked. All of their emotions were on display until they learned to hide them from one another, and she suspected they wouldn’t be wanting to do that any time soon. 

Ben’s chest shook as he too buried his face within her hair, his breathing uneven as his own tears dampened the brunette strands while he held her close. She could feel fear, sorrow, and an underlying numbness as he accepted their reality, but he still kept her tight in his grip as he—like her—relished in their last few moments together. 

Every moment from the last three days flashed in front of Rey’s eyes. From that first night when they’d sat distantly from one another by the fire, to her nightmares waking Ben in the middle of the night and he’d come running in to wake her from them and beyond. She remembered with a choked sob the way she’d felt when she’d woken up in his arms for the first time, and wished she’d appreciated the feeling of warmth it had brought her more back then. If only she’d known how just by the end of that day, she’d grow to care for him more than she ever thought she would. 

She thought back to the way they’d sparred, his casual shirtlessness in the aftermath that had left her completely flustered before they’d started the conversation where they opened up about everything. She remembered how intently she’d listened, how his voice had nearly broken several times as he told the story of his abuse, of his life under Snoke, and she understood why he’d done what he had. Her memory recalled vividly how they’d woken up again by one another’s side, only this time they hadn’t protested. 

_ “I’m starting to like it,” _ she’d warned him, and if she’d only paid attention to that warning, perhaps this wouldn’t hurt so much. But it had led places. They’d argued, and she’d danced in the rain, beckoning him to join her… Which was what truly set the path things later went down in. She remembered the look in his eyes just before she kissed him, the excitement in the air, the fire’s roar, the waves’ crashing, the soft rush of the breeze all building to a crescendo as they’d drawn closer and closer and finally came together. 

What followed afterwards, she vividly remembered every second of, and those were memories she’d cherish until the day she died—of that much she was certain. In all her life, she’d only experienced something like that a couple of times, but neither of those had been anything like Ben. Of course, she didn’t quite share a bond with the others like she did with Ben, either, but she suspected that even without the connection Snoke had forged, she would’ve felt the same way. 

Rey wondered if he was recalling the same things as she pulled away from their embrace, pressing her lips to his gently as a few stray drops of rain joined the tears on their cheeks. “I’ll see you again,” she whispered, kissing him once more. “I can feel it.”

“I feel it, too,” he replied, then he pressed his forehead against hers, and for a few minutes they stayed there like that, simply holding one another as they tried to hold off their separation for as long as they could. 

The breeze blew past them a bit more strongly, causing Rey to shiver against the sudden cold, which Ben must’ve felt if the way he wrapped her more tightly in his black-clad arms was any indication. His hands created friction on her exposed upper arms, his gloved hands pausing when he encountered her now scabbed over wound from the battle they’d fought together three days ago. “We were incredible,” he whispered, and she laughed through her tears. 

“Yeah, we were, and we will be again,” she promised, her voice breaking on the last word as his fingers continued to trace her scar, then she reached up and traced his. His breathing stilled as her hand wandered down the line of the scar until it disappeared just beneath his collar, and she traced back up again until she cupped his cheek. 

They stared at one another for a moment, pulling away from their contact just enough to gaze at one another, taking in one another’s faces in the combined light of the grey sky and the fire. She memorized every piece of his face, the moles, the brown eyes, the aquiline nose, and the full lips, though she was fairly certain she’d have trouble forgetting it anytime soon. Ben’s eyes were doing much the same, and for a little while longer they held each other, waiting for the right time to separate and knowing it would never come. 

They’d have to force themselves apart eventually, though, and they did so as slowly as possible. Rey wasn’t sure who moved first, but at some point her arms had untangled from Ben’s and the two of them were standing. They walked back toward their escape craft in unison, Ben putting out the fire with a wave of his hand without even looking at it. She felt her throat tightening as they walked up the ramp together, and Ben reached out a hand for hers as he led her back to their bedroom to gather her things. 

Neither of them said a word the entire time Rey gathered her lightsaber and the beacon that connected her to Finn, and he grabbed his own weapon, settling it in its holster on his belt as he looked up at her, and she felt his anguish through their bond. It was nearly crippling. She tried her hardest to ignore it as she walked back to the cockpit, electing to signal the Falcon instead—Chewie must’ve been worried about her over the last three days— with the ship’s small radio. Ben stood in the cockpit door behind her while she sent a transmission containing their location and exact coordinates. 

The wookie replied with a question of whether or not she was alone, and Rey turned around to look at Ben, who nodded before she told him, “I’m alone, it’s just me now, I’ll explain when you get here.” Then the transmission ended, and their time had officially run out. 

As Rey switched off the ship’s radio, she leaned back against the dashboard with her head falling into her hands. Sobs began to wrack her body, and faintly she heard Ben’s footsteps cross the short space between them as he pulled her into his arms, resting his head atop hers. He shushed her quietly as he audibly fought back cries of his own, his whole body shaking as he held her, and they both clutched one another tightly. 

“Rey, we have to go,” he said shakily after a while, his voice trembling— _ breaking _ — as he spoke. “It’s time.”

“I don’t want to,” she replied, her own voice a whimper as she cried into his chest. “I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s not forever.” She wasn’t sure if he was reminding her or himself, then she reasoned it was likely both of them. They both needed that reminder that they’d see one another again, even if separating for the moment was the most difficult thing either of them had faced in a while. 

Slowly, she nodded, and began to pull away. “You’re right,” she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks and doing her best to ignore his. “It’s not forever.”

A tear fell from Ben’s cheek as he smiled sadly at her, then he held out his hand. “Let’s go.”

Inhaling deeply, Rey took it, and let him lead her back out of the ship as she tried her hardest not to let anymore tears slip. The wind had picked up since the last time they’d been outside, causing the sand to move across the beach in stripes that would’ve been absolutely beautiful if not for the tragedy occurring on top of them. Their hair blew into it, but the tangling went unnoticed as they walked down the ramp, and stood there for a moment, staring at one another. 

Rey’s eyes dropped down to Ben’s lips as the minutes passed, but before she could move to initiate a kiss, he did it for her, his lips capturing hers in a searing kiss goodbye. Another tear fell down her cheek as she returned it, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him close, memorizing one last time the way it felt to kiss him, how it felt to hold him. 

They said everything they couldn’t say with words in this kiss, which was both inappropriately long and far too short for its own good. Rey’s hands found their place in Ben’s hair again, feeling those soft, wavy locks of his for what may have possibly been the last time as the minutes passed, and a soft drizzle began to fall from the clouds above them. His hands remained on her face, holding her jaw like it was his lifeline. 

When they eventually pulled apart, Rey shuddered at the loss of contact, then Ben pressed a kiss to her forehead, and sighed against her skin. He swallowed nervously before he spoke again. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you, too,” she replied, then he pulled away, and began to walk up the ship’s ramp without looking back at her. Rey’s heart shattered in her chest as she watched him go, the tears brimming anew on her face as he set his foot on the ramp’s lowest point, and stopped. 

She watched him stand there for a few seconds, just breathing heavily as his shoulders heaved. Contemplation washed into the bond, and as her confusion began to take over, he slowly looked back at her to reveal red eyes full of tears. All she wanted to do was reach forward and wipe them away, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to keep her feet rooted to the ground, and not follow him onto that ship as he went back into the galaxy. But that became increasingly hard to do the longer he looked at her. 

Without another word, he turned around, and ascended back up into the ship. She held her breath as he closed the ramp, and felt his agony nearly triple hers as she imagined him walking back into the cockpit. A sob left her lips as she heard the ship’s engines start, and she stepped back toward the water as she watched him, waiting for him to take off. Her heart hung heavy and in pieces in her chest as he finally lifted from the ground, and rose up into the atmosphere. 

She watched him leave until she lost him in the clouds covering the planet, then at long last, she collapsed to the ground, her pain leaving her in a shout of frustration and grief. There was no doubt he’d felt it as his own echoed through the bond, and she continued to stare up at the spot where he’d disappeared like somehow it would bring him back, like he’d reappear and everything would be fine again, but she knew it couldn’t be that way. They had too much to take care of first. 

Rey felt numb as the hours passed, and she waited for the Falcon to show up on the beach. The only sounds filling her ears were those of the waves hitting the shore, and the gentle gusts of the breeze as it passed her by. She tried to focus on her memories again, thinking over every detail of Ben and the time they’d spent together on the beach, which was helped by the remnants of their fire pit, from which she could still smell the faintest traces of smoke. 

A sense of calm washed over her as she lost herself to the recent past, and she thought perhaps Ben was wrong about letting the past die. Not all of it was so bad after all. A smile grew on her face as she looked out at the waves and thought again of the water battle they’d engaged in. Fighting him had turned out to be fun when they weren’t trying to kill each other. 

After a few hours, she heard the tell tale sound of the Falcon zooming through the cloud cover, and she quickly dashed to the lakefront, splashing her face with water to wash away any remnants of tears that may have fought to maintain their presence on her face. She couldn’t have anyone seeing her like this, not before she got the chance to explain why. 

A few seconds later, the ship made a rather graceless landing on the beach. It was much bigger than Snoke’s modestly sized escape craft, and it covered a significantly larger portion of the sand than the ship she and Ben had stolen to get there. Still, the sight of it sent relief shooting through her, and she ran toward the ship as its own ramp descended, and much to her surprise, Finn came running out with his arms open wide. 

“Rey!” he cried, his voice full of relief as he captured her in his arms, an embrace which she was quick to return after having not seen her friend in so long. 

“Finn,” she breathed, her hands clutching him tightly as she hugged him close. 

Her friend beamed at her as he pulled away, then he led her into the Falcon, asking away about where the hell she’d been as the ramp closed behind them. She sighed as she followed him into the cockpit. “It’s a long story,” she replied as they walked inside to find a familiar Wookiee and a strange—admittedly rather attractive—man sitting in the pilot’s seats. 

“Everybody on board?” the man asked, his hand hovering over a lever that would bring the ship back into the air. 

Finn gave him a nod. “We’ve got her,” he said, then the handsome man beamed at him, and looked over at Chewie. 

“Let’s go home,” he said, then he pushed the lever forward, and they began to lift from the planet’s surface.    
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end! I've finally finished this little shit. Oh man this got a little bit out of hand, but thanks to all of you who stuck around to read it, and hopefully I've been able to end it well enough. This is the fastest I've ever written a fic to completion, since this only took me ten days to post all of it. Thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments, they've meant the world to me! Cheers, and see y'all next time.

Rey stared out the Falcon’s window as the planet disappeared before her, another lump forming in her throat at the memories she’d created there, and how soon she’d had it all tragically ripped away. As the freighter breached through the clouds, she excused herself from the cockpit, and searched the halls for a bunk to lie herself down in for a while, needing a moment to think as she left the planet she’d finally found peace on. 

She found that bunk after only minutes of searching, flopping down gracelessly onto the well-used mattress as she flung an arm over her eyes to create the illusion of darkness while she tried to get some rest. It seemed that sleep would be evading her for now, for not a moment after she laid down Finn appeared at the nearest door, knocking on it and calling out her name with concern in his voice. A groan left her lips as she turned to face him, and he looked down at her sympathetically. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Finn explained simply as he walked toward the bunk, and sat on the edge of the bed. 

Giving him a warm smile—though not a convincing one, she was sure— she laughed slightly. “I’m fine, Finn.”

“You just… you left before we got the chance to talk, and I haven’t known you for very long, but that doesn’t seem like you,” he said, then he too gave a small laugh. “I wasn’t going to follow you, I thought I was just being paranoid, but then Poe insisted that I check up on you, see if I could maybe find out what you’ve been up to for the past few days.”

Rey’s eyebrows furrowed. “Is Poe the other man in the cockpit?”

“Yeah, he’s a friend of mine,” Finn explained. “I might’ve saved his life.”

“Sounds like you need to tell me what you’ve been up to.”

Finn chuckled, then he paused, and gave her a nod. “Alright, sounds like a deal, but you’ve got to tell me what you were up to for the past three days first.”

She looked at him hesitantly, unsure just how much of what had gone down she could open up to Finn’s ears. Certainly not the more explicit parts. No. Ben had been the reason that Finn was hospitalized, and it was still too soon, even with his change in heart and mind to tell him something like that. So she told him everything else, starting from the moment the force had first connected them. 

Her friend was on the edge of his seat throughout the entire thing. His jaw dropping when she explained the connection between herself and Ben Solo, his palm slamming into his chest when she told him about when they’d first touched hands by the fire— an act which in hindsight seemed rather tame— and when she reached the part where they agreed to run away together, Finn looked like he was havin heart problems. Still she continued, explaining how she and Ben had been getting nowhere, arguing incessantly with one another until they wound up telling one another everything about their lives. 

Sympathy filled Finn’s face as he learned of Ben’s abuse at the hands of Snoke, which she had no doubt reminded him of the things he’d faced under Phasma’s orders as a stormtrooper. It was something she was relieved to see as she told him about the plan she and Ben had forged to stop the war, his ideas about altering the first order from within, of weakening it until it was primed for redirection by the resistance so they could use its influence to spread their message across the galaxy. 

She told Finn everything, except for what they’d done in the light of the fire. That would remain between her and Ben for as long as she could help it. 

When she finished her story, Finn wrapped her in his arms and told her he was proud of her as he pulled away, then she smiled at him and asked him to return the favor of explaining everything about Poe. 

The conversation wound up lasting them nearly the entire journey. Her friend spoke of his commander like he was some sort of magnificent angel from a dream, a whimsical look in his eyes as he described how he and Poe met and stole a TIE together. “You should’ve seen us, Rey,” he said. “We were bad ass.”

A shock of pain ran up her spine at the words, remembering what Ben had said to her as he’d caressed her wound earlier. The pain must’ve shown on her face, for Finn quickly stopped talking as he noticed her sorrow. Her name left him, and she almost didn’t notice until he rested a hand on her shoulder. She met his eyes, shocked by the concern held within them. “I’m fine, keep going, I’m just tired,” she lied, and while it didn’t seem like he bought it, he left her well enough alone for the rest of the Journey once he finished his tales about Poe. 

Hours later they arrived at the new base, built into the side of a mountain that towered above an intimidatingly dark forest—nothing like the lush greens and blues of the planet she and Ben had laid claim to for the last three days. She pushed thoughts of that time to the side as she worked to keep a straight face, greeting Leia with a warm hug and a pinch of awkwardness rising in her chest. In response she felt Ben’s humor as he realized what was happening on her end of the bond, and the reminder that he was still with her spurred her onward, giving her the courage to tell the general everything. 

Well, everything except for taking her son’s innocence. Still, the General made a rather unfortunate comment about a bruise on her neck, looking at her knowingly as Rey’s face turned beet red, and she looked away before changing the subject. So much for never telling Leia about how things had gone down with her son. 

Once Leia was made aware of the plan, things were very quickly set into motion. That very first night of separation, Ben appeared to her in her bedroom and started to tell her things he’d learned. At least, that’s what he did after he embraced and kissed her thoroughly, which she’d been relieved to discover they could still do through the bond. There was something about it though that didn’t quite feel the same, like a part of the other person was missing somehow, or they were just one massive hallucination. 

But the bond still served its purpose, and it served it well. Ben informed her of every minute detail he learned of the first order, and much to her relief the information checked out every single time. Within a month they had a solid amount of evidence of the first order’s inner workings. They knew who did what, when, and where, and who was disposable versus indisposable. They learned more about the order’s agenda, and determined what they wanted to keep and what they wanted to shut down based on that alone. 

Still it felt like too long passed between the times they’d connect. Sometimes it’d be a mere day before they saw one another again, and other times it’d be a whole week or more. Each time she saw Ben, he looked more exhausted than the last, the strain of being a spy no doubt wearing on him as the time passed. She had no doubt she looked much the same, her own body growing thinner and more pale while weeks turned into months. 

She couldn’t wait for it to end, but she alone didn’t have the power to end it.

In the second month, the resistance made its first power move, taking down a crucial mining colony that produced a lot of the first order weapons. When the attack proved successful, Rey found herself not stomaching the celebration out of fear that it could lead to Ben’s discovery as a mole. Hilariously he would become the one to tell her she needed to go out and have fun that night, and not miss out on all the festivities since there was no way they could trace that information leak back to him. 

No one knew about the bond, and unlike a digital transmission, it didn’t leave a trail. They were for all intents and purposes, completely safe. 

As they pushed into the third month, things began to take a clear turn for the better. The resistance’s recruitment numbers had been increasing due to their massive successes, and this combined with the nonstop attacks against the first order had them nearing victory by the day. 

Still the vicious order wasn’t going down without a fight, and Ben looked more exhausted through the bond as the days wore on. All Rey could do was try her best to comfort him as they lay in her bed and his in the lightyears that separated them. Every night she’d whisper to him how proud she felt to stand by his side, how she couldn’t wait for this to be over so they could finally be together, spurring his energy back to life as the war galoped toward its end. 

It came to a grinding halt at the end of the fourth month. They’d managed to weaken the first order enough that they were floundering, their resources dwindled significantly and their numbers falling. All the while they’d been helpless as to figuring out how in the hell the Resistance had managed to get all this information, still remaining unaware that the betrayal came from right under their noses. The change, however, came from Ben surprising everyone—even her—by stabbing General Hux, and cutting off their leadership before fleeing into the depths of the galaxy in the night. 

Things descended into chaos fairly quickly after that. The first order, now thoroughly headless and devoid of any sufficient leadership surrendered to the resistance, who made good on their plan to use the order’s massive influence to begin to repair the galactic government and start putting things back together. 

As soon as the war was over, celebrations rang out everywhere. The resistance base went wild the moment the metaphorical white flag waved, and while a part of Rey had wanted desperately to join in on the fun, there was something else she’d been yearning for for the last four months. 

That night when the bond activated, Rey didn’t hesitate to rush into Ben’s arms and ask him where the hell he’d run off to. A smile erupted on his face as he pressed a kiss to his forehead, responding with the familiar coordinates of their planet before he disappeared from the connection. Just this once, she didn’t mind the brevity of their time together. Not when she was about to see him again in the flesh. 

She quickly ran to the base’s hangar, running up to the Falcon before anyone could say anything to stop her and try and drag her into their raucous drinking games. Mercifully, everyone around her seemed far too drunk to notice she was running past them and making a beeline for their most famous ship. Their drunkenness also made it easy for her to board and pilot the freighter out of the hangar, and out into open space. 

As she journeyed upward, a transmission came from the general asking just where she was going. Rey laughed, then she took the radio in her hands, and replied, “I’m going home.”

After a few more hours journey—her entire body buzzing with excitement the whole time— she finally came out of hyperspace, and looked down upon that wonderful planet. Already she felt alight with joy, and Ben’s own glee began to seep into their connection. The feeling only grew as she descended into the atmosphere, her eyes searching eagerly for the lake and the beach they’d staked their claim on. 

It didn’t take her long to find, after a few seconds of searching she laughed in delight as her eyes rested upon the beach, where a familiar looking black shuttle had parked just beneath the tree line. Her heart beat loudly against her sternum, and as she steered the Falcon toward its own place on the beach, she had to force herself to calm down as she prepared herself to see Ben again for the first time in four months. 

Forever seemed to pass her by as she landed the ship, and it felt like lifetimes before she was able to run down the hallways and slam on the button that would release the ramp. Sunlight immediately began to fill the ship, rays of orange and pink from the setting sun reaching down to touch her face as she waited for the ramp to lower. She could feel Ben’s anticipation through the bond, and as she looked outside she saw the ramp of his own shuttle lowering all too slowly. 

Hers met the ground first, and sprinted down it in an instant, waiting as patiently as she could for his to finish lowering. At last, the shuttle’s ramp touched down on the sand, and she saw his black boots began to descend it. Ben, unlike her, took his time walking down the ramp and out onto the sand, but she found she didn’t mind—it gave her the chance to really look at him for the first time since they’d left this beach months ago. 

Like he’d been in the last few times they’d connected, Ben’s eyes had dark circles underneath and his skin somehow seemed more pale. There were faint, fading bruises dotting one of his cheeks and temples. He’d certainly had more of a rough go of it than she’d had, but she supposed that almost single handedly ending the first order would do that to a person. 

As Ben finished his descent, he too stopped at the bottom of the ramp as soon as his feet met the warm sand that glowed in the fading sun’s light. She could see him taking her in, looking her over to make sure she was truly all in one piece, exactly as he’d left her, then relief flooded the connection from both sides as they realized that the other was truly okay. 

A laugh escaped Ben as he looked at her, and she couldn’t be sure from this distance, but the way the sunlight caught his eye she thought he might’ve been crying. She joined him in his laughter, tears springing to her own eyes as she realized that they’d made it. All of her fears about never seeing him again, and worries about one of them dying had been for nothing. 

Her breathing shook as they continued to stare at one another, the blood coursing through her veins suddenly feeling like it was humming witch electricity, building up to a charge as they waited with bated breath to see who would make the first move. 

In the end, neither one of them could tell who moved first, only that both of them were now running toward each other full speed. It wasn’t exactly a lengthy run, but it felt like it passed in slow motion as they crossed the distance between each other, kicking up sand as they went. 

Rey lept into the air, throwing herself full at him full force, and Ben caught her mid air, holding her up above him as her lips crashed down onto his. She gasped as he pulled away for a second, her lungs grasping desperately for air before he pulled her back down to him again, though her feet never touched the ground as he kissed her hungrily, as if he were starving. She returned the kiss with the same passion, her hands finding their home in his hair as she felt a tear streak down her cheek. 

After days, weeks,  _ months _ of dreaming about this moment it was here. Ben was holding her and he had her lifted up above the ground like she weighed nothing, allowing her to feel the strong muscles of his arms rippling beneath the fabric of his tunic as he spun her around—and somehow managed to never break the kiss. 

His lips met her with a raw, beautifully chaotic energy as the time passed. The lightning threatening her veins crackled beneath her skin as she felt truly electrified by his actions, his hands running up and down her spine, gripping into her hair, her waist, and never letting go of her all the while as he kissed her like she was air and he was a drowning man. The thought of oxygen though had Rey remembering that she needed to breathe, and after a moment she tapped on his shoulder to indicate she needed to be put down. 

As Rey came up for air, he set her down on the ground, allowing himself a few seconds to get air into his lungs before he was on her again, pulling her at the waist so she was flush against him. Her hands drifted up to rest on his chest, and she relished in the feeling of his strong heart beating beneath her palms as she moaned into their kiss. 

Ben pulled away before she was ready for him to, and with a choked sob he cupped her cheek in his palm. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she breathed, pressing her forehead against his. “Ben…”

He didn’t respond, he only kissed her again as a tear fell from his cheek, and at last, everything felt like it fell into place. The war was over, and they were back together again. Nothing would ever separate them after this, no, they were free now to live as they chose. After all this time, after all their suffering at the hands of a supreme leader, a cruel desert, and a war they hadn’t taken pleasure in fighting, the worst was over, and their lives were finally ready to start. 

“Rey?” Ben asked softly as he retreated just a hair’s breadth away, his warm breath ghosting over her lips. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she said quietly, then he pressed his lips to her forehead, and continued to hold her close. Now there was nothing left unsaid. The nightmare was over, and as the sun slipped below the horizon, coating them in a soft pink light, Rey knew that the dream had just begun. 


End file.
